12.02.01
Gome of the Week
People who draw comic strips that are actually funny must hate the business that they chose to become a part of. The newspaper here in Portland has the worst selection of strips imaginable, and only every once in a while do they change the line up. Isn't the guy who made Hi and Lois dead yet? Why is that still taking up space in these pages?
Sure, there's still Doonesbury and Non Sequitur and a few other funny ones, but there's also comics like the one you see below. I have been looking at Mutts for two years now and I have yet to find an actual joke in the strip yet. Most of the time they don't even make a lick of sense. Or they just fall back on the "dogs are cute" premise. I don't think dogs are cute, and I especially don't think they're cute when they loiter around waiting for handouts.
Oh, and if I ever see the guy who does Ziggy on the street, I will be giving him a flying cross body block. That's a promise.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Jesus Christ Superstore - This is a really bizarre store (I think it's real) that sells action figures of religious icons that come with automatic weapons. If it's not real it's still pretty damn funny.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Breakaway (1996)
Everybody cover your knees, it's Tonya Harding in Breakaway. Some of you might only be familiar with her film work in the amateur pornography field, but that was only the tip of the iceberg for the Portland native.
Yes, her star truly shines in this low-budget action flick that actually includes a scene filmed at OMSI. We're all famous!
Tonya manages to keep her clothes on in this one, and really that's not a big disappointment now, is it? It also features a chap named Joe Estevez, who is reportedly related to Charlie Sheen or Emelio Estevez or Martin Sheen or one of those guys in that dysfunctional Hollywood family.
Maybe the one of the top twenty worst movies of all time.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Icky Joey - Pooh (1991)
I love this record. I just wanted to start off by saying that. In my precocious youth, I would buy a record based on it's cover or what label it was on or the simple fact that I had never heard of the band. Icky Joey fit all three of these criteria, so I picked it up. Icky Joey's approach is very straight ahead, and it's kind of hard to put a finger on what kind of music they actually are. They were from Seattle and the record came out in the early 90's, so you can draw any conclusions from that.
Includes such classics as "Medusa Anus Eye," "I'm Liberace Now," and "Smokin' the Devil's Bud." Also, their drummer is the guy from the Presidents of the USA and their rhythm guitar player is Ed Fotheringham, who does (or did) a lot of art work for Sub Pop and various Seattle bands. Also includes guest appearance by Steve Turner of Mudhoney playing banjo. Rock on!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
coppin' tude -A quick and easy way to explain the act of acting with a bad attitude.
Origin - I don't know or care.
Usage - "Dude, what is the dilly with your philly?"
"Dude, I don't know. She is coppin' major tude."
This Week's Top Ten List
Oatmeal's Top Ten Reasons Why Sleeping is Better Than Sex:
10. You can do it for eight hours without feeling exhausted when you're finished.
09. In your dreams, you get to have sex with much more attractive people.
08. You never have to pay for it.
07. An unauthorized night of sleep won't result in painful urinations.
06. After you sleep with it, your bed won't expect you to call it the next day.
05. Upon waking up, I'd much rather try to guess the name of the song playing on the alarm clock than the name of the person next to me.
04. I've never had to replace a bed because of sleeping too hard on it.
03. I've never had to buy my bed a surf and turf dinner prior to getting inside of it.
02. After consuming 14 beers, I rarely have trouble falling asleep.
01. Sex doesn't involve that cold, reassuring feeling of the kitchen floor tiles on my cheeks. Wait, sometimes it does.