Gome of the Week
I mean, if you don't want to be my girlfriend, that's fine, but the least you could do is return my repeated phone calls and not call the cops when I knock on your bedroom window.
Stalking is such a relative term. I'm not creepy, I swear. I just want you to make me laugh in our own special way.
It could be all about me and you and secret jokes that we could share.
Really, check out Mr. Show or Greg the Bunny and realize that she is funny and super hot all at the same time.
And I'm only halfway creepy.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Shakes the Clown - Bow down to one of the greatest movies of all time. And learn something, dammit.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Freestyle Biking (1987)
There's definitely "no competition" at "The Spot." Or at least that's what R.L. Osborn wants you to think.
Another random video pulled from the vaults of the CAC that no one could possibly get a kick out of except for us but you'll have to deal with it.
It's porn, except there's bikes instead of girls. Can't you see him riding it?
I don't know what else to say, other than you'll probably have to view some this in the background at the next CAC show.
You'll secretly like it.
Dude, I did a gnarly endoe!
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Prince - "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man (1987)
Just a damn fine song, and another one that I pulled out of my old 45 collection.
Prince knows his place, and this song kind of shows his sensitive side. Kind of.
He's still a sex god, so I mean, like if you want to fuck, that's cool too.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
I'm sorry I don't like The Strokes - A terrible non sequitur brought to me by one of my friends when he's drunk.
Origin - Um, my friend who doesn't like the Strokes.
Usage - "Dude, you're kind of being a dick right now. Will you calm down?"
"Nope, fuck that."
"Well, this is bullshit. I think you should take a cab home."
"I'm sorry I don't like the Strokes."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Reasons Why I Should Go Back to Chopsticks Right Now, Even Though I Probably Won't Be Able to Drive Home:
10. It's only 11:15.
09. It's Monday.
08. I don't know where Biff is.
07. I'm bored.
06. I can sing "Radio Radio" by Elvis Costello.
05. I'm a good heckler.
04. I don't spend enough time in karaoke bars.
03. ONUG is in full efizect.
02. Monarch vodka is sweeter than Pabst, which is all I have.
01. Hi, Rob, can I get a 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse?