Gome of the Week
Really? This short, spherically foreheaded chick from Heroes is the big sex symbol everyone's excited about? Isn't she really just the reincarnation of Jewel in 1995? These nerds are insatiable.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Matt Fargo Hosts "The Dean's List" on MTVU - Apparently Ghostface hosted it a few weeks before. Listen closely for a few seconds of me rapping.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Santa's Slay (2005)
In honor of the holiday season we bring you a special hidden holiday gem. What else could you ask for then for former wrestler Bill Goldberg to star in a bizarre horror-comedy about an evil Santa Claus that has come to bring murder and mayhem for Christmas? What is odd about this movie is that it is both original and actually quite funny. I watched it no less then five times last year. Yay me! Santa is actually the son of Satan who lost a curling match to an angel thousands of years ago and has been forced to deliver happiness ever since. But now the bet is off. Do yourself a favor, pull this little hidden Christmas miracle out while the whole family is over reveling in yuletide cheer and prove how awesome you are.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Murray Head - Say It Ain't So (1975)
This is Murray Head, a decade prior to his "One Night In Bangkok" fame of the 80's. Turns out he wasn't a bad little singer/songwriter. Apparently the song "Say It Ain't So, Joe" from this LP was a minor hit for him, but I don't recognize it. Move back from your computer, squint a little bit, and tell me he doesn't look just like "Runnin' On Empty" era Jackson Browne.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
grundlebuff - Apparently "grundle" is the new hip word for taint. So this would be somebody who buffs the taint.
Origin - I thought I made it up, but Googling it reveals it to be some nerd's WOW handle. Seriously.
Usage - "Dude, my coug and I are thinking about visiting her 6 kids in Omaha over the Christmas break."
"Dude, a bold move. Are you prepared to meet the dude patrol that is her 4 ex-husbands?"
"Yeah dude, apparently they're a squad of pure grundlebuffs."
"Well, hopefully they can smell their own and you will be in the clear."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I Am Hoping To Get For Christmas This Year:
10. An unsupervised visit with my two teenage sons, Doug and Guadalupe
09. A moderate serving of dignity topped with a huge helping of self-respect
08. The Two If By Sea Special Edition widescreen DVD. I loves me some Sandy Bullock
07. An explanation as to why the Wayans brothers are still getting greenlighted for film projects
06. A trip to the Shawn Kemp Fantasy Eating Camp
05. To fulfill my darkest fantasies and become a human teabag. Ladies, save your old, used up nylons, I'm gonna need 'em to construct a proper "bag"
04. The pony I've been waiting for since I was like fucking 4
03. For me and my dad to drop this "Cat's In The Cradle" shit and toss the goddamned pigskin around
02. An end to this writer's strike. Me needs my "Ugly Betty" fix!
01. The Clapper for my TV. Really, it's come to that
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