Gome of the Week
Life was so much better for me when things like this didn't happen. I saw a bit of this with the sound off at the gym the other night. From the looks of it, Darth Vader was playing "The Banker." And I cried.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Faith Laser - Some funny words put together.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Highwayman (1999)
Let's Make Biff Watch Stuff, Vol. 5
Make no mistake about it, I love Jason Priestly. He was the glue that held 90210 together, he hosted one of the all-time best episodes of SNL, and he even managed to get himself into "Tombstone." The poor guy is not a bad actor. He really isn't. Here he finds himself starring alongside Lou Gosset Jr. of such unbeatable films as "Firewalker" and "Toy Soldiers" and the girl who played Ashley in Nickelodeon's classic "15." The story itself is rather ludicrous, basically Ashley from "15" is bored with life and so decides on a whim to accompany the bank robbing Jason Priestly and his gay lover, Panda, across the country to find her long lost father. Lou Gossett is the kind of villain. Scenery is chewed by all.
Note: If you would like to keep up on the "Let's Make Biff Watch Stuff" debacle, the forum thread is here.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Passport - Cross-Collateral (1975)
I hit the bargain bins hard this last week, and this is one of the gems I pulled out for a cool half dollar. Looks like I got my money's worth, as this is shaping up to be a pretty sweet mid-70's prog jazz type affair. It's instrumental, six tracks in total, with the title track clocking in at 13:38 and taking up the majority of the first side. That's a workout. The genius behind all of this? Klaus Doldinger (shout out to the Doctor), who seems to do most of the heavy lifting on this one. And with hot track names like "Jadoo" and "Homunculus," you really can't go wrong.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
doucheshiki - A sweet garment worn by dodes everywhere. Take your t-shirt, cut off the sleeves (really cut 'em off) and give yourself and extra large neckhole, and you're good to go.
Origin - Biff original. It's like "dashiki" with "douche" worked in there. In case that wasn't clear.
Usage - "Dude, I've got a hot date with a coug in training tonight."
"Dude, you are moving up in the world."
"Dude, you got that right. May I borrow your best doucheshiki?"
"No dude, you may not. Even with my custom crafted expanded neckhole, I'm afraid your fat head would stretch it out. Hand me that Coors Light promotional t-shirt and my finest shears. We'll set you up."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Ways to Let People Know You Mean Business:
10. Wear a three-piece suit while jogging
09. Put your dreadlocks in a well-planned series of ponytails
08. When somebody says "How you doing?" respond back with "Hey, fuck you asshole. Can't you see I mean business?"
07. Make sure to keep your cell phone clipped to your pants. It lets everyone know you're important, and when you answer it, it'll look like you're taking a gun from its holster, which is serious fucking business
06. Always make sure your neck tattoos are exposed
05. Walk into a bank, remove your shirt, and ask if anyone "wants to dance," explaining that you would "love to dance"
04. Keep your hands at 10 and 2 when garroting someone who has wronged you. It's simple professionalism
03. Preface every sentence with "Now I mean it. Business, that is"
02. Wear one o' them fancy tuxedo tees
01. Wear your finest pair of Oakley Blades at all times
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