Gome of the Week
Jimmy Page: still rocking, and looking exactly like my Grandma.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
StupidFilter - Removing the idiots from the internet.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Record Deal (2004)
Who's brilliant idea was it to make a film about a rapper that does not star some sort of rap star? With every rapper in the world attempting to be an actor are you trying to tell me that they could not find at least one who would agree to do the flick? That makes no sense to me. I don't care who it is. What, Mr. Funkyman from Lords Of The Underground was too busy? Big Pokey was too busy? Yo Gotti didn't agree with the character direction in the third act? This movie was terrible in a non-funny way. Basically some rapper is world famous but is still poor due to his manager being in with the mob. If this movie was from 1985 I might let that plot slide. But with hip-hop being the gigantic money machine it is today this movie came off as not knowing what the heck it was talking about. Oh, and it was really really boring.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Living Strings - Music to Help You Stop Smoking (1964)
As a frequent bargain bin vinyl shopper, I have come to know the Living Strings series quite well. They're collections of your favorite orchestral tracks, usually grouped together with a loose theme. This one is a standout. Although these songs have all appeared on previous collections, these particular numbers have been selected as the most soothing. From the back: "Only will power will help you stop smoking. But this music may help your will power. It is so entertaining and the songs are presented in so fascinating a way that it will relax you, make you feel good, and keep your hand from groping toward a pack of cigarettes. Reach for a melodious bud... instead of a butt." Anybody know what a "melodious bud" is?
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
crad - A sweet way to mispronounce "card."
Origin - Biff, age 5.
Usage - "Dude, you are a natural with the ladies."
"Well dude, you've got to have confidence, charm, and a good sense of humor."
"Dude, you are a gnar-pow, trump-tight cut-up."
"I'm a real crad."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee:
10. You stopped fucking around with pussy shit like cream and sugar a long time ago
09. Your urine is brown, full bodied, with a mild aroma
08. The mention of the word "decaf" results in the application of a series of leg locks
07. When watching Goonies, you mention that it would be a lot cooler if Chester Copperpot's name was Chester Coffeepot
06. You have to snort a line of Folgers crystals just to get out of bed in the morning
05. You keep reminding your girlfriends about that French waiter you fucked while you were studying in Paris
04. In your darkest moments, you've sucked the remaining juices out of a used filter
03. You spend your Saturday nights beer-bonging Americanos
02. The local Starbucks has reluctantly agreed to allow you to fill up your own two-liter bottles
01. You named your first born son Breakfast Blend
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