Gome of the Week
Oh no you dih-ant!










This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Ever Wish You Could Wear Your Depression? - Yes. Oh god, yes.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Bugsy Malone (1977)

Don't even ask why I was watching this; it's a long story. Wait, no it's not. I likes me some Baio, I likes me some Jodie Foster, so there you go. I probably should have taken this gem in about 25 years ago, but I'm late to the game. So, that's my fault. And movies like this are what Netflix was made for. The DVD showed up in the mail with Japanese characters all over it (seriously) and the menu was also subtitled in Japanese. From what I can figure out, this movie is a classic everywhere but in the US. Which makes no sense. But, this movie makes no sense.

It's a story about gangsters in the 20's, but they're all kids. They run businesses. They order juice like it's whiskey. Some of them have mustaches. They drive cars like the ones you see on the cover there, but it's actually a bike-type contraption that has to be pedaled. And they sing. Boy, do they sing. About what badasses they are, about how they're the kind of lady who knows how to treat you right (that's not creepy coming from a 15 year old Jodie Foster...), and something about boxing. They also "kill" each other with pastry cream. Either pies directly to the face, or, if you're unlucky, they use "splurge" guns, which are more like a semi-automatic sort of thing that shoots balls of pie filling and rubs out whatever poor sap is in its way. The more I think about it, the more I realize this film may be a work of unparalleled genius. Or the results of a small-time director indulging in too many doobies. Can't decide.







This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Johnny "Guitar" Watson - Giant (1978)

Frank Zappa has always said that the reason he started playing guitar was because of Johnny "Guitar" Watson. This is not the man I pictured being a hero to one of music's greatest minds. But, we'll give Johnny a break. It was 1978, and if you can't tell, dude was feeling the disco. If it's not evidenced by his look, there are some songs that clue us in: "Miss Frisco (Queen of the Disco)" and "Guitar Disco," a couple of tracks that may have been good to have coked-up sex to against the dirty stall of club bathroom. Just a guess. For some reason Johnny reprises his old, old hit "Gangster of Love" on this one, and it really doesn't fit in with the rest of the songs. But, who's going to argue with a man who has two gold front teeth and looks like he's ready to head-butt earth? Not me.


This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
dickaround - A sweet word to catergorize bands that specialize in self-indulgent jamming.

Origin - I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

Usage - "Dude, the musical entertainment tonight is really trying my patience."

"Dude. Relax, feel the groove, and let that washout's noodling just take you over."

"Dude, these sort of garbage ballers should be relegated to their basements, where they have easy access to their water pipes."

"Dude, I think I have to agree. I will categorize these dodes as free-form, post-rock dickaround."




This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Small Towns That Don't Exist:

10. Scrubbinmytaint, Idaho
09. Buffthashaft, Wyoming
08. Doritosburg, South Carolina
07. Publicassistancenati, Nebraska
06. Shutyerholewithembigwords, Tennessee
05. Itsglandular, Georgia
04. Getoffmyproperty, Kansas
03. Silverbulletsville, North Carolina
02. Cape Adult Onset Diabetes, New Hampshire
01. Showmedemtittays, Louisiana


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