Gome of the Week
Kevin Costner is releasing a country record. In other news, people are still reporting news on Kevin Costner for some reason. And, even worse, Kevin Costner's band.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Chuggler - Love the warning: "Not for use with alcoholic beverages!"
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Joe's Wedding (1997)
I can't believe I sat through this Canadian piece of shit. It stars D.W. Moffet (he's that guy who's been in like every TV drama ever) as a grunge rocker who sets his head on fire (seriously), quits the rock biz, and takes a job with his fiance's dad, who demolishes buildings to turn them into parking lots. He ends up getting kidnapped by a crazy and sort of hot lady who doesn't want to move out of her loft where she does her art, which is in a building his company is tearing down. She chains him naked to a huge metal ball, and crappy acting ensues. Oh, and he's supposed to be getting married in two days. His friends are drunk and don't worry about where he is, he ends up falling for the kidnapper lady, boning takes place, and he regains his cool rocker attitude. Features a powerhouse performance from the guy who played Lloyd Braun (the first one) on Seinfeld.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Michael Lovesmith - Diamond in the Raw (1984)
Am I crazy, or is the phrase "diamond in the rough"? Whatever. This dude sounds a lot like he looks: like Jermaine Jackson but worse. All ten of these songs sound exactly the same, though it seems he adjusts the tempos slightly between each one. So, that's something. The best track has got to be "Sweetness," where he professes his love for the larger ladies: "Girl I like a little meat on your bones...You're so tantalizing - without exercising." Hollah!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
peenie tingler - A way to describe something that makes you feel nervous or excitable.
Origin - Field, left
Usage - "Dude, you haven't seen your ex-coug in so long."
"Dude, why did you just shudder?"
"I got a huge chill when you mentioned her. Dude, it has been some time."
"Yet, she still remains a stone-cold peenie tingler."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You've Just Been Dropkicked:
10. You're face down in gravel, when just a second ago, you weren't
09. Your forehead reads EKIN
08. The last thing you remember was some dude saying "I am gonna dropkick the shit out of you"
07. You received a text that says "wut a gr8 dropkick u got"
06. Your pants are wet, your bed is moving under an endless string of fluorescent lights, and it smells all hospitally
05. Someone slipped a t-shirt on your uncoscious frame that reads "Ask Me About the Huge Dropkick I Just Took"
04. Your friend keeps saying "Hey, remember when you just got dropkicked?"
03. People constantly asking you why your neck smells like shoelaces
02. In high school, you were voted "Most Likely to Get Habitually Dropkicked"
01. Though dazed, you're sure of one thing: it's the first time you've used the phrase "Well, he dropkicked me, and I ended up swallowing most of my teeth"
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