Gome of the Week
I am as big a fan of the democratic process as the next guy.

I don't even watch commercials (if I can help it - thank you DVR!), but I've managed to see no less than 400 attack ads between Gordon Smith and Jeff Merkley. Those of you not in Portland can, I'm sure, substitute your own local chumps in the senate race for these two and agree with me.

I'm ready for this thing to be over with.






This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow A Giant Beard - All valid points.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
All Rapped Up: An Inside Look At the Rap/Dance Music Scene (1991)

Eric Holmberg is an insatiable dipshit. He played keyboards in some shit band during the 80's, probably took a few puffs off a doobie once, maybe finger-banged a hefty chick in a too-short jean skirt. At some point he decided all this was way too crazy for him, found Jesus, cut his hair into a textbook former-rocker LBST, and took it upon himself to pseudo-philosophize, bible in hand, to any parent who would listen to his tripe about how Jesus doesn't want your kids listening to rock music.

And that was just his first movie. This is his second, a two-hour assualt on the "rap/dance scene" (I've never heard anyone use that phrase) that attempts to convince you, the god-fearing and paranoid parent, that listening to Public Enemy is going to make your kid smoke crack.

So, clearly, it's pretty hilarious. In that watching-the-whitest-dude-in-the-world-try-to-explain-street-slang sort of way. Of course, he's clueless. There's some good rap footage in it, though. However, bringing New Kids on the Block and Vanilla Ice into it doesn't do much to prove his point. The Geto Boys, on the other hand...





This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Greene and Iles - Keep It Gay: Conversational Music (196?)

Sometimes its just too good.

The kicker: the copy I got is stamped on the back: "Wacker Series." I have no idea what that means, but I got a cheap laugh out of it, so what the hey.

The music is easy listening organ crapola. But the cover is suitable for framing.






This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
swizzity - sweet.

Origin - I'm sure one of you guys wants to take credit for this one.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Papa's got a brand new coug."

"Dude, that is trump teez. How many bottles of Cisco before she goes to town on the hog?"

"Ah, dude. Two."

"Dude. That is, without a doubt, super swizzity."



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I Observed at the Record Show I Attended Last Week:

10. Two dirty, dirty hipsters having a 15 minute conversation about the finer points of the band Gong
09. Obese dude with a wispy ponytail rubbing his moist underarm against me to reach for an Allman Bros. LP
08. Multiple record dealers with that distinct I'm-living-out-of-my-RV look about them
07. Dude who looked just like Jermaine Jackson, looking for a Swing Out Sister LP or some such shit
06. Ostenisbly normal looking guy frantically scouring crates for any and all Nancy Sinatra records
05. Innumerable factions of bald, lonely losers
04. Tight-jeaned cool kids just fucking waddlin'
03. Wiry crazy woman with a fist full of cash and way too much enthusiasm about a very common Carole King LP
02. Popular at record shows: The Beatles
01. Not popular at record shows: removing your shirt and yelling "I am the lizard king!" Who woulda thunk it?


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