Gome of the Week
Now, maybe, finally, we won't have to see stupid shit like this anymore.

Or maybe we'll have to see more.

The internet is a neverending source of crazy mix-ups and kooky ideas!










This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Story of the Stork - Speaking of kooky ideas...



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Went to Coney Island on a Mission From God...Be Back by Five (1998)

I see the names Ione Skye and Frank Whaley: I'm intrigued. Of course, when you see their names listed last on the front of a box with a huge picture of a Cancel One Career-era Jon Cryer and some random dude, you have to figure they won't be in the movie much. And, they aren't.

But, this movie was nowhere near as bad as I feared it might be. In fact, I sat through it no problem. Nice low budget flick with an actual story. It was slow, but what the hey. And setting a movie in run-down Coney Island during the winter is a pretty badass idea. It's grim, eerie, and it saves you from hiring extras when you can't afford to.

Cryer and his superbro friend hear that their good buddy from back in the day has gone nuts and is living under the boardwalk. So, they hit the road to find him and save him. Craziness ensues, their friendship is tested, they doubt their entire existence, etc.

Extra props for the unnecessarily long title.






This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Switch - Switch II (1979)

Dude on the bottom left was not ready to have his photo taken.

This group apparently came to fruition under the tutelage of one Jermaine Jackson, who produces a few tracks on this one and is also listed as an "additional musician." The two guys in the middle on the bottom are a couple of Debarge brothers, ones who obviously predate the 80's group that bears their last name. Bobby, the one on the left, is the one that did hard time for selling blow. Possibly not coincidentally, this record sounds like it had many a disco-era freak dustbustering lines of China white to its sweet and slick grooves.

And don't think it doesn't have their astrological signs next to their individual photos on the back. Because it sure as shit does. Key track: "Calling On All Girls."




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
the ball-peen hammer - Another sweet word for plooking. We'll call it a cross between the jackhammer and the piledriver.

Origin - Your friendly neighborhood blacksmith.

Usage - "Oh, dude. These cougs are vibing me hard."

"Dude, you are, as usual, delusional. But coug on."

"Dude, you see that coug over there? She's giving me the look. Like all she really needs is to be wined, dined, and then roughly maneuvered into the ball-peen hammer. By me, dude."

"Oh, by you. Thank you, I was foggy on the deets."


This Week's Top Ten List

EA's Top Ten Band Names That Make Me Think All The Good Ones Are Finally Taken (With My Joke Names For Them Where Applicable):

10. Pussycat Dolls
09. Vampire Weekend (Vampire Stink-end)
08. The Fartz (The Squirtz)
07. Jay Reatard
06. Panic! At The Disco
05. The Hold Steady
04. Tight E Whitey
03. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Crap Your Pants Say Yeah)
02. Tie Between Phish & Limp Bizkit
01. Test Icicles (Testicles)


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