Gome of the Week
Ladies, get out your credit cards!

Alyssa Milano has designed some new clothes that allow you to simultaneously support your favorite sports team and look like white trash with money!









This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Jesus Is My Friend - You've seen this already. If you haven't, brace yourself for the fun.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Man On Wire (2008)

I love the documentaries. Me and m'lady went to see this in the theater last month and enjoyed the shit out of it.

Philippe Petit is kind of a pompous ass, but damn, the dude can walk a tightrope like nobody's business. This is the story of how he managed to not only secure a wire from one WTC tower to the other, but also walk back and forth across the thing an assload of times. Because he is a bit of a jackass (and obviously a little crazy), he makes for a great subject. And the story is pretty unbelievable.

Needless to say, I've got tightrope fever, and have installed multiple balance beams in my home. You've got to start somewhere...








This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Danny Johnson - Introducing Danny Johnson (1978)

1978 is becoming a real popular year in my stacks of bargain bin records. I don't know if that's a good thing. It seems to be a year when disco was still somewhat happening, but things were becoming oversaturated and all these people were soon to be shit out the bottom end of the music biz forever.

Enter Danny Johnson. Contrary to his hollow-eyed assassin-ish gaze he's rocking on the cover here, dude's nothing but a ladie's man. He sings about going to a disco, bagging babes, and "getting it on" with them.

On "Red Hot Mama" he sings: "We did the spank, the sperm, and the worm." Are those dance moves or euphemisms? Hiyooo!

Sweet parenthetical too-long love song title: "Learning to Love You Was Easy (It's So Hard Trying to Get Over You)." That's a rough seven minutes and five seconds.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
bobbin' on my knob like an all day sucker - A sweet way to describe someone who won't leave you alone.

Origin - Stevie Wonder, Method Man.

Usage - "Oh, dude. My ex-coug will not leave me alone."

"Dude, wissah?"

"Dude, she wants me to help pay for her laser tittoo removal. She's been bobbin' on my knob like an all day sucker."

"Dude, weak."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I Can Get Back To Now That The Elections Are Over:

10. Spot-waxing my boat
09. That game of Risk I started with some old guy in the park like 28 months ago
08. Krumping
07. My surefire small business idea: keychains meticulously sculpted from my toenail clippings
06. "Falcon Crest" on DVD
05. Growing out the hastily shaved "Merkley's Our Man" slogan in my back hair
04. Rejoining all my friends in Parrothead Nation. Squawk!
03. Climbing out of this narrow, dark, all-enveloping k-hole
02. My always expanding collection of Pound Puppies
01. The new G n' R record. And hey, where's my can of Dr. Pepper?


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