Gome of the Week
Coldplay and Joe Satriani are embroiled in a plagiarism battle the likes of which the world hasn't seen since the Nirvana/Killing Joke debacle of '91.

Remember kids: when you steal (or when you listen to Coldplay or Joe Satriani), nobody's a winner.

Let's all try to keep our heads held high during these trying times.






This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
A Christmas Story: Where Are They Now? - You'll shoot your eye out, etc.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
LA Crackdown II (1988)

Oh, Goodwill Superstore, the things you hook me up with.

Having not seen the first LA Crackdown (which, according to IMDb, was released the same year as this one), I was a little lost, but thanks to a lack of plot or any story structure whatsoever, I was able to give a solid shrug and just let the thing play out.

If it wasn't abundantly clear from the half photo (of a girl who's not in the movie)/half painting on the VHS box, this is a low budget affair, and laughing at just how low that budget was turned out to be the only joy for me in this cesspool of celluloid. (Oh, I would make a savage film critic!)

A guy is killing low-ball hookers in LA, but he's also robbing banks. He's just been released from prison, but the police can't seem to find him. In fact, they don't even really look for him. It's plot holes like this that make this movie seem like some really long, boring dream you might have after scarfing down too much chili con queso.

It was written and directed by Joseph Merhi, and it's worth checking out the dude's IMDb stats here. The guy directed four films in 1988 alone. Judging from this one, they were shot in a weekend, so I'm actually not sure how impressive that is.




This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Starpoint - Wanting You (1981)

I never thought that 1981 could be summed up in a singe photograph, but here we are.

Taking the R&B train to dance town, this group of four brothers, some dude, and a lovely lady who can rock the shit out of some painted-on Jordache jeans seem like they're on a mission to get you laid.

There's slow jams ("Break Up to Make Up"), songs about being easy ("Try Me"), and letting it all hang out, all over the dance floor (the other six tracks).

I wonder at what point you start regretting the cover shoot where you tied your white shirt at the bottom and just let the thing hang open to expose your gold chain?



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Me and Morrison, man. Making the myths, man! - A sweet way to describe retroactively remembering your glory days as much better than they probably were. Or a sweet thing to say to somebody as a way to clown them for doing it.

Origin - Raymond Daniel Manzarek, born 2-12-39.

Usage - "Oh, dude. My ex-coug is not the prime slab of beef she used to be. She is now not much more than a low-grade shank cut consisting mostly of gristle."

"Dude, you gotta stop talking like that or I'm going to issue you the Black Rebel Chop."

"Dude, you remember how great she was, with the taintalingus and all the bagpiping!"

"Me and Morrison, man. Making the myths, man!"



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs I'm Not Getting You Anything For Christmas:

10. You never even opened those expired gherkins I gave you last year
09. You've been badmouthing me to my mistress's kids
08. You keep trying to lend me your DVD of White Chicks
07. The only thing on your list: "A night of passionate lovemaking with Angela Lansbury"
06. All you ever want to talk about is humorous bumper stickers, and I'm fucking sick of it
05. For the last six years, you have honestly thought my name was "Pepe"
04. When my house is a-rockin', you still bother knockin', and that just doesn't work for me
03. I'm not sure where to purchase the "generic ass cream" you requested
02. You did a really shitty job of priming my boat for its yearly painting
01. You still haven't paid me back for that time you got juiced up on apricot brandywine and totalled my Honda Spree


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