Gome of the Week
'Til Death was just picked up for a third season.

In related news, 'Til Death wasn't canceled after four episodes two years ago like I thought it was.


Seriously, society. We can't do any better than this?






This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat - I'll be tired of this by Friday, but right now these are the funniest videos I've ever seen.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Sketch Artist (1992)

When you need Jason Patric but you can't afford him, you call on Jeff Fahey. When you need an extremely attractive woman who's also a hollow-eyed crazyfuck, Sean Young's your lady. And when you catch Drew Barrymore on her way back up from the Hollywood gutter and in between filming Waxwork II: Lost in Time and The Amy Fisher Story, you can get her to phone in a bit part in this "thriller."

Yup, it all came together perfectly. The funny thing is, Young and Barrymore aren't really in this flick very much. It's basically the Jeff Fahey show, in which he plays a perpetually hungover police sketch artist who chain-smokes and strokes his sweet LBST. You should have seen him driving the convertible in this movie. His neck warmer was blowing in the wind.

Barrymore plays Daisy, a delivery girl who saw a woman walk out of an apartment right after a murder occured. She describes the lady to Jack (Fahey, the titular character) and when he's finished drawing her, he realizes IT'S HIS WIFE. So, he hides the drawing, comes up with a similar (but not identical) one to give to the cops, and spends the rest of the movie on a rogue mission trying to either find the real killer or deal with the fact that his wife is a murderer.

My tolerance for crap movies is really growing. This movie was awful, but I didn't mind sitting through it. Fahey was unintentionally hilarious as the brooding drunk cop/artist, and Sean Young was prancing around in her undies for most of the scenes she was in. The plot made little sense and the ending was ridiculous, but that's to be expected. In fact, the ending was so ridiculous that it made the entire movie that much better. Even better than that: I just found out there's a Sketch Artist 2. Yeah, I'll be watching that.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Various Artists - The Pride of Portland (1985)

Let's see. We Are the World was released in March of 1985. This was recorded in August of '85.

Yep, this is Portland's own little version of the USA for Africa craze that was sweeping the nation at the time, and it's awesome. All of Portland's heavy hitters are here: Quarterflash, Nu Shooz, Dan Reed, even Meredith Brooks. But the chorus is more random (and if you don't live in Portland you probably won't know who any of these people are): Darcelle, the Z100 Z Morning Zoo, Margie Boule and all the other classic 80's Portland newscasters, and of course, Gov. Vic Atiyeh.

They've got the anthem as the first track, and the rest of the record is just singles from the groups that participated. Man, Nu Shooz must have been tired of "I Can't Wait." I don't remember Roger Sause & Hypertension, but that guy's tank top-keytar combo is tough to beat.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
hollow-eyed crazyfuck - A sweet way to classify a sociopath.

Origin - Dennis Miller, Sean Young in Sketch Artist

Usage - "Oh, dude. I am worried about the well-being of my 'roke ho."

"Dude, what's your beef, stew?"

"Dude, I took her to meet my family and she put my grandpa in the Perfect Plex."

"Dude, I don't want to alarm you, but you may have a hollow-eyed crazyfuck on your hands."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Excerpts From Letters To Penthouse Forum, June 1979:

10. "After a long workweek, I was definitely in a party mood and went to my favorite disco."
09. "I'd rarely felt happier or more serene until I realized that Sharon was crying softly and whimpering."
08. "Now I'd have my chance to get rid of my cherry, I thought, even though I wasn't sure exactly how."
07. "I explained to her that my ultimate fantasy was to meet a girl who could really give me a good wrestling match or maybe even win one."
06. "Before I knew it, she punched me in the stomach, boffed me on the head, and had me down on the floor."
05. "Thoroughly greased up, I picked up the four-incher but then decided upon the 'big guy.'"
04. "My wife and I call one pair I have 'ball tights.'"
03. "Since John has a very small car and I didn't want to hurt my newfound goddess, I suggested that we go to a hotel."
02. "As soon as he left, I put my mirror back in position."
01. "I thought the letters in 'Forum' were concocted–until an adventure happened to me!"

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