Gome of the Week
As a die-hard Fifteen fan, I'd be lying if I said this kind of thing didn't tarnish my respect for Mr. Reynolds here.
Cool water wings, bro!
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Japanese Coffee-Making Robot - Hot dang! I gotta get me one o' dem java-brewin' androids!
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Def-Con 4 (1985)
When Maury Chaykin is the most recognizable name in your post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller, you're in trouble.
Though, like a lot of these mid-budget flicks I get the pleasure of sitting (lying down) through, this movie wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. They clearly had some money to work with, and they managed to build some decent sets and gather some admirable crowds when scenes called for it. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
A trio of astronauts are orbiting the earth, carrying nuclear devices in anticipation of WWIII (I think). When bombs start going off below them, they attempt to drop the ones they have with them, though one won't disengage. Strangely, when they crash to earth a few months later, the bomb they have with them doesn't explode, and it's been armed with a timer.
In the few months since the nuclear war, their home planet has become a complete wasteland, with small tribes of people already resorting to cannibalism and installing their own corrupt governments. One of the astronauts gets killed right when they touch down, another one uses her doctoring skills to stay alive for a while longer before getting offed, and the main dude fights for his life after being taken hostage by the leader of the new little republic. There's a lot more to it, but none of it is fleshed out very well, and the story just ends up being a huge jumbled mess. The main dude is communicating with his wife in the first scene, so you think he's going to end up finding her, but he doesn't. But he does lead the charge against Gideon, the smug pretty-boy who is running things and enjoying torturing the shit out of people. What a jerk!
And yes, the bomb with the timer ends up, at the end, taking out the sinister dudes who captured them. Duh. I have no idea what's going on on the cover of the video. None of that is in the movie. But, you know how that goes. With a running time of barely over 80 minutes, I shan't complain.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
The Elliot Blair Orchestra - Music From National Football League Films, Volume III (1977)
Do they even make those NFL Films anymore? I really hate football, but there was something about those movies that didn't totally suck. Maybe I'll just always have a soft spot for Crunch Course.
Anyway, this is the music that was the soundtrack to those hallowed classics. All your favorites are here: "Electro Combat," "Silent Season of a Hero," "A Chilling Championship," and even "Whirlwinds to the End Zone." It's not quite the same without the gritty footage and the gravelly-voiced narrator, but I suppose if you wanted to get revved up for a spirited game of touch football with a Nerf, this could do the trick.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
rat-like in appearance - A sweet way to classify someone who looks like a rodent.
Origin - Carnies everywhere.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Have you seen that guy who jockies the register at the hobby shop down the street?"
"Dude, I, unlike you, stopped collecting coins when I was six."
"Dude, this guy's knowledge of coins is unsurpassed. However, he is rat-like in appearance."
"Dude, that is shocking."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You're Obsessed With Billy Jo Robidoux:
10. Whenever faced with one of life's tough decisions, you stop and ask yourself, "What would Billy Jo Robidoux do?"
09. You refer to his '88 season, in which he hit a career-high .253, as "The Golden Age of Robidoux"
08. When someone does something you don't like, you ask them to "Robidon't do that again"
07. You have the same birthday as he does (this one works for me only)
06. You grow your mustaches as wispy and wide as possible
05. You'll play first base, outfield–fuck it, you'll even play DH. It was good enough for Billy Jo, good enough for you!
04. When your wife asks you if you want a BJ, you say "Billy Jo is here? Where?"
03. You named your wang your "Robidode"
02. Constantly telling people that 106 strikeouts in 468 career at-bats is actually a pretty decent ratio
01. Always asking friends, "Think this is the year ol' Billy gets to Cooperstown?"
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