Gome of the Week
If you are over the age of 12 and you found yourself waiting in line all day for the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter flick, it might be time to reassess where your life is headed.








This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Bust the Facts - Deep cuts from the hip hop of yesteryear.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Inspectors (1998)

I'm beginning to wonder if I should just build the entire concept of this weekly feature around the films of Jonathan Silverman. He is so prolific in his work and so spotty in his chosen film roles that it could literally go on for a year straight. But I'll spare you (and myself) the pain.

If this looks like an old cop/young cop, buddy/action flick to you, you're mostly right. But they ain't cops–they're postal inspectors. Seriously. I must admit, I apparently had no idea what postal inspectors do. Because these dudes are running around with guns and intercepting mail bombs and shit. Silverman, you action-packed bastard.

The plot centers around a bomb that was sent through the mail that killed a dude and put his wife in a coma. This unlikely duo are paired up to track down the sender. Gossett's the old and wise one, Silverman's the Ivy Leaguer with a lot to learn. Though there is some initial friction, they find some common ground and realize they are an ass-kicking mail-inspecting team.

I must really be becoming numb to crap, because I actually thought this movie wasn't too bad. The script wasn't terrible, it was shot by someone who knew what he/she was doing, and they paced it well. And, of course, Lou–excuse me, Louis–Gossett, Jr. is always good for some bad-assness. I was hoping to see him rough some dudes up with his bare fists, but no dice. So that was a bummer.

Not a bummer: they made a sequel! Expect to see that reviewed here real soon. I just checked Amazon, and they're selling copies for a buck. People, if you've thrown out your VCRs, I feel sorry for you.




This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Peter Brown - Stargazer (1979)

Given the year and that flamboyant cover, I assumed this to be a disco shitfest. While there are elements of that, this record is more of a weird mix of Steely Dan and Joe Jackson, if that makes any sense. Lots of early synth sounds and vocals that are all wide and layered.

Sort of odd, sort of slick, but not boring. I have been proven wrong once again. Though I doubt this will replace Steely Dan's Gaucho on my turntable any time soon, I may wait a month or two before I donate this to Goodwill. And that's really saying something.

Apparently "Crank it Up," the first song on this LP, was a minor hit in '79, but I don't recognize it. Feel that funky Moog.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
no need for the blown gasket, Charlie - A sweet way to calm someone down. Works best if you put the emphasis on "blown."

Origin - Monty Burns.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I think I might start a Jonathan Silverman straight-to-DVD/VHS movie night. Do you want to come?"

"Dude, Silverman peaked with The Single Guy, everyone knows that! You watch anything post-'98, and you're just wasting my time, your time, and society's time! Now get off my property!"

"No need for the blown gasket, Charlie."

"Sorry, dude."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I Plan To Do During My Upcoming Vacation:

10. Get my neck tattoo removed
09. Compete in my first hydrofoil race
08. Act out the final scene in Kickboxer with an unassuming transient
07. Knock out the first 12 seasons of According to Jim on DVD
06. Boogie board on a laminated pizza box
05. Listen to tons of screamo on my Zune
04. Pen some retro erotic fiction about Kathy Ireland
03. Record my rock opera about the Pog craze of '93
02. Check out this Friendster thing everyone keeps talking about
01. Tan my taint


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