Gome of the Week
Tell me where I'm wrong.



















This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Legos on Hoth - So much nerdery.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Comfort and Joy (1984)

Figured I'd dive into some Christmas stuff since the holidays are approaching, and I thought this one might be a good place to start since it didn't seem to be all about Christmas. Turns out, I was right. It's a little bit about Christmas, but mostly about Scottish ice cream vendor turf wars. Really.

Not sure what the intended outcome of this bad boy was. It's dry as dry can be (those nutty Scots), but never tips the scales to full-on funny. But if your idea of funny is a dude being supremely miserable during the four days that precede Christmas, you might find some humor in this.

Still, whether it was funny or not didn't really bother me, because I was so elated that this was actually a watchable movie that I could barely contain myself. An original story, some solid dialogue; it was a pleasure.

Alan there is a radio DJ who's been dating a troublesome tart for a few years. She up and leaves him right before Christmas, and he's shattered. After witnessing some thugs lay waste to an ice cream truck (in December - yeah, I know), he gets wrapped up in what he believes to be a mob-run ice cream war going on in his quaint little city. He decides to document it for his radio listeners, and gets in deeper than he planned to. But, it's a good distraction from his heartbreak, so he runs with it. It gets pretty bonkers at the end, but they tie it all up nicely.

Not the most entertaining movie I've ever seen, but a real treat compared to some of the crap I've sat through lately. And yes, his BMW really does get vandalized with ice cream cones. But he spends the whole movie driving on the right side of his car, so that part of the cover is way off.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Mirror Image - Disco Noël (1979)

I've been lazy with picking up new Christmas LPs the last few years, so this time around I got out there a little early. Scored this gem for half a buck, and it's been worth every penny. Though it promises "Disco Dance Step Lesson Enclosed!" on the front, and mine is without that. So that's a shame.

But hearing souped-up versions of "Sleigh Ride" and "Jingle Bells" is quite enough to keep me satisfied. And really, that cover isn't hurting anything, either. Disco balls on the Christmas tree... What a time to be alive!





This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Sir Richard Pumpaloaf - A sweet thing to call an uppity crumbum.

Origin - Zappa. Patrick O'Hearn, maybe?

Usage - "Oh, dude. It's almost Christmas time. I am going to chug nog till I blow mouth."

"Dude, have some respect. After we tap the keg of nog, wait a while before you break out the nog bong."

"Dude, I only chug nog out of gravity-based ice sculptures now."

"Dude. Well excuse me, Sir Richard Pumpaloaf."



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs That I'm Sick:

10. Had to employ a small blowtorch to remove the crust from my eyes this morning
09. The steering wheel of my car is shellacked with the remnants of bloody sneezes
08. Had to call my swinger's club and tell them I didn't want to infect anybody. And believe me: they'd get infected
07. It's either that or a small family of tree-dwellers are hanging pictures on the inside of my nasal cavity
06. I've got four hot water bottles stuffed down my pants, but that's actually unrelated
05. I sound like Kathleen Turner after she had her adenoids scraped
04. The 27-hour nap I just took speaks volumes
03. When I'm too tired to masturbate to Judge Judy, you know there's a problem
02. I haven't peed in three days
01. I think I hear some dudes outside draping plastic over the house, quarantine style


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