Gome of the Week
Ridley Scott is reportedly hard at work on the first of two Alien prequels.

I heard that the process is continuously being held up because he has to take long breaks to hum on Russel Crowe's nuts. Is that true?

Don't be surprised when you see photos on the web of Crowe in the alien suit.






This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Rock and Roll Confidential - The Hall of Douchebags - Best band photos ever.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Flight of Black Angel (1991)

Man, I thought this was going to be some Top Gun-ish early-90's dogfight flick, with lots of sweet dialogue and even sweeter aerial maneuvering. And it started out like that: the first scene is a group of Air Force cadets going through a flight exercise, and their captain even went so far as to ham it up with the "Return your tray tables to their upright position" line. I was settling in for some flyboy hilarity.

Next thing I know, one of the hotshot pilots takes leave from the base for the weekend, goes home to see his family, and spends an evening on a cliff crying with a shotgun in his mouth. After that, he goes back to his parent's house, and while watching TV with them and his brother, he excuses himself, grabs the gun, and ices his whole family. It was at this point that I realized there would be no beach volleyball in this movie.

He goes back to the base like nothing happened, then manages to load up his training fighter with real weapons, including a nuclear missle. By the time everyone realizes he's offed his family and is strapped with a nuke, he's already shot down two of his training partners and is headed towards Las Vegas to "wipe it clean." Seems dude's been reading his Bible pretty voraciously, and he's convinced that he's an angel of mercy sent to rid the world of filth. Man, do I know what that's like.

He ends up landing his plane, kidnapping a family, shooting a couple of cops, killing the father of the family, and disassembling the nuclear bomb so he can re-rig it and hook it back up to his plane, in hopes to properly detonate it. In the process, he contaminates the shit out of himself and begins the quick process of dying. His last mission is to kamikaze his jet into Vegas, but his original squad leader ain't having it. He goes up to tangle with him, and ends up killing himself and the "Black Angel," but not before he lures him to a remote location, allowing the nuclear missle to explode out of range of any city and thus, saving like a million lives.

What a dark, weird flick. And it didn't really even seem low-budget. The jet-flying scenes were legit, and so were the explosions. Yet the video was one of those ones that plays in EP mode and weighs like an ounce. So strange. And the whole thing just kept reminding me of this. You Simpsons fans know what I'm talking about.

Check the trailer here.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
The Breaks - The Breaks (1983)

The 80's were a great time for hot chicks fronting pop bands. And while The Breaks aren't a household name, I'd argue that this record is as good as anything Scandal ever did. It might not quite be up to the 'Til Tuesday level, but they're one catchy hook away from challenging Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. And I'd put 'em up against Pretty Poison any day of the week. Nu Shooz? Maybe.

Anyway, this is fun-time music, and it's now old enough that those hairstyles are all back in fashion. Now if we could just get the ladies to bring back the socks-with-flats thing. Patience.

Sweet video for "She Wants You" here.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
It's the 90's. It's Hammertime! - A sweet way to tell someone to get with the times.

Origin - Kramer.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Your cell phone is archaic. Is that thing rotary dial?"

"Dude, good one. Hey, it makes calls and tends to ring most of the time, so I'm good."

"C'mon, dude! It's the 90's. It's Hammertime! If you're not beating off to HD porn on your cell phone, I feel sorry for you. Get with it."

"Dude, they have porn on the internet?"


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs You're Too Old To Rock:

10. Your latest power ballad was about newly discovered treatments for hip dysplasia
09. Your belly stretches the black spandex until it's see-through
08. You keep insisting the ladies love your skullet, but you know, deep down, that it's not true
07. You won't shut up about how your son was the percussionist for Mott the Hoople
06. You might think you look cool playing the Jew's Harp while in an iron lung, but you're way off
05. You keep telling everyone not to worry - disco's just a passing fad
04. You have to call clubs ahead of time to make sure they have one of those toilets with the handles
03. You keep talking about how kick-ass the new flavor of Metamucil is
02. You keep trying to pass off the hemorrhoid pillow taped to your pants as part of your ensemble
01. You keep referring to Bob Dylan as "that damn whippersnapper"


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