Gome of the Week
Can this tubby mushmouth get this mega-oily douche-rocker to the big show in time? P. Diddy sure hopes so!

I, for one, cannot wait to never find out.










This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Three-Time NWA World Wrestling Champion Dusty Rhodes Solves the Gulf Oil Spill Crisis - BIg ups to my sister-in-law for this one. Dusty's got some solid ideas...


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Philadelphia Experiment 2 (1993)

I wasn't planning on watching the sequel to last week's featured flick so soon, but when I found that I could watch it through my instant streaming Netflix Wii magical device, I dialed that shit up.

There's always weird connections with these movies I watch, but this one is really random. I mentioned last week that Michael Paré - the star of the original Philadelphia Experiment - had also been featured in our Week 306 film, Killing Streets. Turns out, the same guy who directed that movie directed this one. But Paré isn't in this sequel. They are also the only two real films the guy has directed, which makes it all a little bit more impressive. For me. Not for him.

Though this movie wasn't too bad, actually. Well, it was bad, but it was a fairly slick-looking sort of bad, and that at least kept it interesting. Nobody reprised their role from the first film, which means there's a new dude playing the lead part of David Herdeg (Paré's role in the first movie). He's adept at acting like time is a rubber band that's crushing his skull, and that's really all he needs to do. So he holds his own.

In the end of the last flick, Herdeg (originally from 1943) decided to stay in 1984. In this movie, nine more years have passed. His wife (who was the reason he stayed in the future) is dead, but he has a young son. When the government starts experimenting with trying to make things disappear again, his insides go nuts and he somehow goes on another one of what he thinks is a time jump. Turns out he's still in 1993, but it's an alternate 1993 where the U.S. lost WWII and the Nazis are running shit. Needless to say, it is an untight situation. Herdeg has to find a way to re-alter that reality so he can jump forward from there and get back to his son. So he has to go back to 1943, kill some Nazi dudes, and then get back to the present, which is really his future. But when he originally showed up in the alternate 1993, he landed in prison, so the whole thing ain't too easy. Luckily he fancies himself a tough guy.

Making a low-budget movie where the course of history has been altered is a gutsy move, but this movie didn't suck nearly as much as it could have. A star turn by Gerrit "Who Needs A Charactor Actor?" Graham doesn't hurt. Consistently devious.

Check the trailer here.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Murray and Jerri Turner - It's A Wonderful Life (1964)

I just keep accumulating these creepy recordings on the Word label from the 60's. Jeez, we get it: you're down for Jesus.

This one has one thing the others don't, however: this lady can play this shit out of the marimba. Her fast hands pound out the rhythms for Jesus, and she really gets those mallets going. Two in each hand, from the looks of the photo on the back. That's right, baby. You know how to do it. Her instrumentals are trump teez.

And I wish there was more of them, because her husband sounds like a drag queen who hasn't quite got the act down yet. He really murders "Teach Me to Pray," and that's unforgivable.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Boom: Roasted. - A sweet way to let someone know they've been impromptu roasted.

Origin - Michael Scott.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I really think the world is not ready for you to bring parachute pants back."

"Dude, these pants are weatherproof and contain enough pockets for six people."

"Dude, your parachute pants are sad, and they click and squeak when you walk. Boom: Roasted."

"Dude, I'm going to take that in the light-hearted manner in which it was intended. Nice roast."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things To Say Before Projectile Vomiting:

10. "I regret nothing!"
09. "How bad could a port-a-potty at a jam-band fest be?"
08. "Quick, hand me your shoes"
07. "You may want to leave that parka on"
06. "How long did you say those clams had been sitting on top of the heater vent?"
05. "Back up, I'm going for distance"
04. "This elevator is about to get a lot more sloshy"
03. "Close your eyes and hold out your hands - you're going to love this"
02. "I'm all clammy and my mouth is watery... I must have scurvy"
01. "I've never had cake so mouth-blowingly good before"


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