Gome of the Week

I mean, how else was I going to get digital copies of these songs?








This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Our Valued Customers - Comic book store nerdery in pictures.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Bloodmoon (1997)

If you ever wondered what a scan of a lenticular image would look like, there's your answer. Just kinda blurry. Not sure why this movie needed one, anyway. Normally those are reserved for a Jekyll-and-Hyde sort of situation, and this movie ain't one of those. The other image that this one switches to is of the bad guy, who is simply known in this movie as "The Killer." Catchy name!

Folks, I have seen some movies with extreme kicking in them before, but this one may be the kickingest. Trying to put an estimate on foot-to-face contact will prove impossible, but I'd place it somewhere in the low ten thousands. This was the definition of action porn. Just a dinky little story to move things along to the next scene of hardcore kickery.

And lest you think I'm complaining, let me assure you that I am not. This flick was fan to the tastic. It's like a bunch of stuntmen got together and decided to coreograph the shit out of some extremely complicated action sequences that they couldn't trust normal human beings to pull off. Let me just say this: When you're four minutes into the movie and a guy in a two-toned Zorro mask is wrist-deep in some dude's abdomen while simultaneously hammering his balls with a series of rapid-fire shin kicks, you know you've hit gold.

The story here involves a guy who used to be a karate champ going around and kick-murdering other former karate champs, all of whom trained under the same guy who he trained under. Or something like that. It didn't really make sense. The point was that he wore a mask, and he shoved Rob Van Dam's face through a pinball machine before feeding him a beer bottle. So, yes, it was all very sophisticated. But when Frank Gorshin (TV's original Riddler) is playing the chief of police, sophistication is a given.

The trailer for this movie does it no justice. You're much better off watching this exemplary kick-fest of a scene.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
South High School - A Cappella Choir (1952)

A 58-year-old recording of a Denver high school doing a cappella songs about Jesus. Is it pressed on red vinyl? Of course it is.

Does the cover depict the choir as spirits ascending to heaven, led by a dark figure on a hill? That's one interpretation.

Does the whole thing creep me out a little bit? Yes, yet it does.








This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Isn't this when the government steps in and puts you to sleep? - A sweet thing to ask someone when they've done something monumentally pathetic.

Origin - Denny.

Usage - "Oh, dude. This is really the best day ever. I'm going to make it all happen."

"Dude, it looks to me like you're going to be getting high and eating a whole bag of extreme Cheetos while watching 'White Chicks' in your camouflage Snuggie."

"Dude, that is correct."

"Dude, isn't this when the government steps in and puts you to sleep?"



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs You're Not Cut Out for Ultimate Fighting:

10. You preface every match with, "Just watch the face, OK friend?"
09. You + your tight spandex shorts + a large group of people = raging boner
08. Unlike most guys, you're not super-into having your scrotum punched until you pass out
07. Have yet to reach the 26-tattoo minimum required for sanctioned bouts
06. You're not a rugged grappler; more of a violently crying flailer
05. Your daughter has indian-burned you into submission six times this week
04. You hold a yellow belt in the open-hand wuss-slap style
03. Over the years, you've grown quite fond of having your nose centered on your face
02. Not sure why, but whenever you're put in a headlock, you start full-stream peeing
01. Not too interested in finding out what "cauliflower mouth" is


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