Gome of the Week
Would you fuck me with hilarioius props?
I'd fuck me with hilarious props.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Scratch Built Palisades Muppet Theatre Playset - Now that's dedication.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Rocky Mountain King (1996)
I went to a stranger-than-usual estate sale a few months ago, and under one of the many piles of debris, I unearthed this video. Never one to pass up an amateur documentary about the love between a man and a six-point bull elk, I snatched it up for a quarter.
Shot over a few winters in a remote part of Idaho, this VHS-cam doc tells the story of a hunter who kills elk for sport and hangs their heads on his wall, unless they're cool, in which case he befriends them, feeds them hay from his hands, and writes songs about it.
In the beginning of the movie there's a monologue from his wife, who admits that the whole hunting aspect presents a bit of a "contradiction," but I became hopeful when she alluded to this heartwarming tale ending in the dude having a change of heart. If that happened, it's never mentioned here, but at one point he does encourage other hunters to give his pal "Elvis" a break if they get him in their sights.
Other than that highly annoying element, this was actually a really interesting tale, with footage of dude and the elk just hanging out, and montages of Elvis and the man's dogs running around and playing, all set to his original music. (Listen to some of them here. I reccommend "The Dog-Gone Dog's Gone.")
The elk would show up every winter when he was snowed-in and hungry, and the guy would feed him and talk to him. It is pretty impressive to see a guy cooling out with an animal that size. I half-expected the flick to end with him serving Elvis jerky to his kin, but instead, there's a story about Elivs shaking off his antlers in the driveway and the dude being stoked because he really wanted them. So I guess he did get his trophy out of the deal, after all. That really is an "Amazing True Story."
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Smokeless Zone - "(We Should Be) Together" (1985)
Another record that I picked up during my record-shopping jaunt in Philadelphia last month. This is a one-sided 7", with the song on one side (obviously), and a weird diamond-reflector pattern on the other. I found it, covered in dust, in one of the basements I was digging through that day. Apparently the cover compelled me to drag it back across the country.
The track is slightly psychedelic, and features "two founding members of Nashville's favorite power pop band, Practical Stylists."
In a fantastic bit of coincidence, somebody posted a video of the song, along with a bunch of sweet photos, to YouTube right around the same time I picked this up. You heard it here first: Smokeless Zone is hot again.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
a nice out - A sweet way to describe an exceptional burp or fart.
Origin - Nealon in "The Hypnotist."
Usage - "Oh, dude. Did you hear that belch I just let loose?"
"Dude, not only did I hear it, I smelled it. It reeked like nacho cheese and corn dogs."
"Dude, that was a nice out and you know it."
"Dude, I'll admit: it was a quality out."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Tips For Being A Successful Hobo:
10. Never knife-shave your beard over another man's vittles
09. If you're going to kill a man for his shoes, make sure to ask him what size he wears before you gut him like a fish
08. Don't bogart the saffron
07. Line your pockets with plastic bags, so when you're hungry you can reach in and grab a hearty handful of crotch-warmed baked beans
06. Dried and braided roadkill innards make for cool belts
05. When in a rusty screwdriver fight, make sure to yell "Screw you!" before jamming it into the other hobo's neck. It'll make for a great story later
04. Pantene Pro-V is great for detangling your matted hair enough to remove the tree branches
03. If you're new to the hobo game, you're going to want to assert your authority by finding the biggest hobo in the local pack and peeing on him while he's sleeping
02. Fermented Sunny D: your key to violently drunken diarrhea
01. Fingernails: nature's can opener
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