Gome of the Week
Anthony Kiedis: Practically begging me to hate him for over 25 years now.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Japanese Art Cats - I don't even know. But I laughed.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Back in Business (1997)
I like to pretend that Brian Bosworth has enjoyed an illustrious career as a B-movie action star, but in reality, the dude has only top-billed eight films in the last 20 years. I've seen a handful of 'em, but I don't want the dream to end, so I've been rationing them out to myself. It had been a while, so I decided to give this yet-to-see-a-DVD-release-in-the-US flick a go.
When I realized about 10 minutes into it that it was going to be black-guy/white-guy buddy-action-comedy movie, I was ecstatic. Then I got really excited, because I was sure the black guy (who was creeping in shadows during the opening) was the dude from American History X - you know, the talkative guy Norton's in prison with - because his voice was a dead ringer. When I got a good look at his mug, it looked kind of like him, but not quite. Turns out it's the dude's brother. So that was strange. But Joe Torry acts a lot like Guy Torry, so I just went with it.
The Boz plays an ex-cop, wrongfully dismissed from the force (duh), who pays a visit to his old partner and gets wrapped up in a deep-undercover drug ring situation, all orchestrated by the dirty cops who got him kicked off the force. It's a story that's been told in many shitty action movies, and this movie told it as shittily as any of the ones that preceded it. A classic case of a movie that probably made some semblance of sense before it got hacked to death in the editing room. As it was presented here, it was all over the place.
But, Bosworth did engage in some impressive hand-to-hand combat, and his attempts at buddying up with with his ex-partner were impressive in their awkwardness. Still, for a Bosworth vehicle, this flick lacked the amount of full-on skull-crushery that I've come to expect from him. They worked the Lethal Weapon angle a little too hard, even though it didn't click, and used up precious time that could have better been spent showing hastily edited montages of The Boz kicking people.
A pre-fame Michael Clarke Duncan showed up in the end of this movie, playing "Huge Guard," and getting quickly knocked out by Bosworth. And the main dirty cop/villain was played by the late Brion James, who is awesome and has played a dirty cop in probably 80 movies and is always smarmy enough to pull it off. You'd recognize him.
Check the trailer here. Watch for the part where Bosworth says the name of the movie!
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Los Graduados - Grandes Exitos (196?)
Not to lead off with the obvious, but they couldn't come up with a photo where more than three of the dudes in this group were looking at the camera? Rough group shot. That one guy looks like he's ready to conk Sunglasses on the back of the noggin.
Gustava Quintero handles lead vocals on this thing, and if you've never heard the man belt out "La Danza de la Chiva" or "Ramita de Matimba," well, then you're just not living right. "Cumbia Triste" and "Golearon al Diablo" are also pretty tight cuts.
And it's in "estereophonico," so you know it's the good stuff.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
thinstrap - A sweet way to classify an extra-thin, meticulously sculpted chinstrap beard.
Origin - Dodes, choads, and oily bros everywhere.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I've got myself all greased up for the weekend."
"Dude, you are glistening. Possibly dripping."
"Dude, and as you will notice, I have modified my chinstrap into a thinstrap, as to let the ladies know the level of precision of which I am capable."
"Dude, it is sure to impress. Strap on, thinny."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things You Say to the World When You Wear Jeans to the Gym:
10. "Scrotum chafing is not an important issue for me"
09. "How would you like to see a grown man butt-sweat through a pair of acid washed?"
08. "These are my gym jeans. I keep them in my trunk in case I'm out and about and get the urge to go do squats in denim"
07. "I have only a minimal understanding of how society functions"
06. "They're downstairs right now deciding who's going to come up here and talk to me about the dress code, which is not only based in common sense, but also clearly posted in six different locations throughout this facility"
05. "I need help dressing myself"
04. "These have an elastic band, so I'm not sure they can techically be considered jeans"
03. "If everything goes well during my workout, I'll bust these bad boys wide open, Hulk style"
02. "I already forgot where my locker is, so you'll probably see me wandering around later trying to find it"
01. "Don't worry, I'll wring these out in the communal sink later"
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