Gome of the Week
Words of wisdom.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Sticks Downey - "Night of the Demons" Video - The video for our newest song. Give it a watch, won't you?
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Cutting Class (1989)
In an attempt to tip the scales back to some semblance of normalcy after last week's assfest of a horror movie, I figured I'd go with something a little more major-motion-picture this time around. But just a little.
Featuring a pre-Thelma & Louise Brad Pitt as a dickish high-school basketball star/burnout, as well as a hard-up-for-money Martin Mull, this flick showcases young actors hungry for stardom, and old actors phoning it in for a quick paycheck. My kind of movie.
Brian (Donovan "Fancy Name" Leitch) has just been released from the mental institution he was placed in after he iced his dad, and he's back in high school, ready for a fresh new start. But, as soon as he shows up, people start dying. Coincidence? Maybe. Plot holes? Aplenty. Classic whodunit? Hardly.
Pitt plays Dwight, the boyfriend of the main girl in this movie, and he spends most of his screen time driving around in his convertible Mustang and flying into jealous rages. He used to be friends with Brian, but after he killed his pops, he's not "cool" anymore. So Dwight warns him to keep his distance, but Brian keeps creeping around, even doing some light stalking of Dwight's lady.
First a cheerleader and her boyfriend go missing, then the assistant principal is butchered while getting her Xerox on. In his mind, Brian's already been convicted, so he begins hiding in the shadows and trying to convince Paula (Dwight's girlfriend) that he's not the dude. She buys it until he puts an axe through the skull of their math teacher in front of her, and then she seems less convinced. Next thing you know, Dwight's head is in a vice and a circular saw is being haphazardly swung around, hoping to catch some throat.
I tend to enjoy pretty much anything from 1989, and this was no exception. I felt bad for Mull, but he probably staved off the shakes for a week or two as a result of his long afternoon filming his three scenes in this thing, so, you know, he can't feel bad about that.
Check the trailer here, and if you haven't had your mind blown yet by the deliciously punny title of this film, please allow that to happen now.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
José Ferrer - Halloween Tales (1963)
I bought this record sometime last year and kept it tucked away, waiting to give it a listen until Halloween rolled around.
I guess I didn't realize that it's intended for five-year-olds. It's on some reading comprehension shit, workbook steez.
No sound effects, no spooky voices, just Ferrer giving a calm, calculated reading of stories guaranteed to send chills up the spine of no one.
Come on: with titles like "Scat the Witch's Cat" and "Pumpkin Moonshine," I was hoping for some slyly euphemistic adult material, or maybe at least a horrible impression of a cat. Nothing doing. I'm going to burn this record on my front lawn in front of trick-or-treaters, and explain to them that Halloween is no time to get educated. And then I will cackle until they scurry away, crying and screaming.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
no rest for the wicked awesome - A sweet way to describe ongoing awesomeness.
Origin - One of Biff's friends. Also possibly Boston. Also possibly this band.
Usage - "Oh, dude. This is going to be the best Halloween ever. It will not be Halloweak at all."
"Dude, I agree. I am going to egg your car repeatedly, hopefully in front of your chick."
"Dude, that is untight, and I would really appreciate it if you refrained from your planned eggery."
"Dude, It will go down as scheduled. There is no rest for the wicked awesome."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs Your Halloween Costume Was Poorly Planned:
10. The only thing between your crotch and the dry ice is a thin, leatherette speedo
09. You've been forced to draw a family tree of Game of Thrones to properly explain your fake lineage
08. You thought the 9-volt batteries would stay lodged between your butt cheeks, but you forgot to account for drizzle-down back sweat
07. Turning around quickly resulted in the hospitalization of three bystanders
06. There's no way around it: you're riding to the party strapped to the roof of your bro's Fiero
05. Apparently a lot of people don't recognize the original keyboardist from Uriah Heep when they see a hastily thrown-together approximation of him
04. Three other people in the same car as you are wearing the exact same Charlie Sheen mask
03. It's far too restrictive to wear while accurately winging butterscotch disks at disabled senior citizens
02. Dismantling a six-section suit with full robotics isn't any easier when you're in the midst of a t-minus ten-minute asspiss situation
01. You ran out of blue paint halfway through and your jean shorts are like clam diggers
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