Gome of the Week
Don't be mad at PETA about this one. Save it for one of their campaigns that is actually based in reality.
Enjoy this, because it is hilarious and fantastic.
And the game they put together is pretty fun, too.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Cadillac Cyclone, 1959 - As I've said before, I'm not a car guy, but this thing would have been mad swizzity.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
True Blood (1989)
Put away your shirtless vampires: Fahey's in town, and he's come to kick some crotch.
Before Sherilyn Fenn got famous and then explosively diarrheaed out the bottom of Hollywood, she starred in the same kind of movies she would make after her career fell apart. Is that irony? No? The circle of life? All right, I'll take it.
This is probably the 12th movie I've seen starring Fahey, and never has he punched so many dudes. He plays a former street tough who reunites with his estranged little brother (Chad "Always Second Best" Lowe) and tries to sort out a misunderstanding involving his alleged icing of a cop.
The dude who's after him is played by James Tolkan, the shiny-headed dude who played Strickland in Back to the Future. He basically plays a similar role in this, except he's a cop and does a lot of threatening to stick guns up peoples' asses.
Fenn plays a waitress who likes poetry, which is super annoying, especially when Fahey tries to woo her with his cursory knowledge of Yeats. He does a much better job of beating gang members with busted pool cues, which he does a fair amount of in this flick.
This thing is all over the place, but for one of those can't-figure-out-if-it's-action-or-drama movies, it was actually pretty good. At one point a dude with a wood bat in his hand got in front of Fahey, and he told him he could "either move or shit splinters." So that was sweet. And watching Chad Lowe try to act like a kid who grew up on the streets was entertaining. He kept over-pronouncing his street slang. You know, like illiterate street punks tend to do.
Billy Drago (who is the awesome bad guy in a lot of shit movies) is mad creepy in this, right down to his facial scar and oil-slicked ponytail. Does he look like the kind of guy who really gets a boner from flicking his switchblade open? Because he really, really does.
Check out a hastily made bootleg trailer here.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Nino - Regresa a Mi (We Made Love) (1976)
Ah, the mid-70's. When major labels (Epic, in this case) would put chicks in wet t-shirts on the front of records and not think twice about it. How repressed we've all become.
I figured this would be some tooted-up disco slink-fest, but instead it's crooner classics, on some salsafied Paul Anka shit. Dude even does "Feelings" on here. Bold move. He also does the title track twice; once in English and once in Spanish, on the same side of the record. Beyond gutsy.
I'm wondering if Epic put that gal on the front because they realized this didn't have much pop power. And this is a promo copy, too. Maybe this thing didn't even come out. Either way, that cover image is timeless. Bravo, Nino!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Joe Niekro-ing - A sweet way to classify the move on Cops when people try to nonchalantly drop their drugs/contraband on the ground in front of police.
Origin - Joe Niekro and his emery board.
Usage - "Oh, dude. This episode of Cops is the bomb-ass chronic. Whenever they're in Florida, you know it's gonna be good."
"Dude, totally. Look at this guy digging deep into the pockets of his sagging cargo shorts."
"Dude, there went his baggy of pills."
"Dude, this guy is full-on Joe Niekro-ing right now."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Updates In The New Muppets Movie:
10. Fozzie is high on ecstacy all the time and gets violent when anyone tries to pull the pacifier from his mouth
09. Statler and Waldorf have each been equipped with cattle prods
08. Choreographed dance numbers replaced with frantic krumping
07. Swedish Chef officially declared to be an acid casualty
06. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem revealed to be extremely rude couch surfers
05. Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew? Two words: Breaking Bad
04. Miss Piggy extra-sassy, now playfully calls everyone "cunts"
03. To add a new level of believability, there's an extended scene where Rowlf devours his own vomit
02. Janice from the Electric Mayhem to be played by Steven Tyler
01. Gonzo is more curved-dong-like than ever
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