Gome of the Week
Really dude?











This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
NHL Goalie Masks By Team - These are wild. Keep an eye out for Ned Flanders.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Crime Zone (1989)

I've watched many a post-apocalyptic sci-fi movie in my day, but none contained lines of dialogue this classic: "I'm sure you're still horny, subgrade. Show me your dick." I'm getting ahead of myself here, but I've been laughing about that one all day. Enjoy it for yourself here.

Anyway, I've been looking forward to this one because the cover is so sweet, but also fearing it because I figured there was no way a movie could live up to a cover that is bursting at the seams with such sweetness. And, yeah, it didn't. But, it wasn't a struggle to knock this thing out, and that's all I can really hope for. That, and lines like "I've seen you at the House of Pleasure raffling your pussy like a side of beef!" Gold. Nonsensical gold.

David Carradine is indeed in this movie, but he's by no means the star. In fact, this is actually more of a Sherilyn Fenn vehicle, and specifically more of a 24-year-old-Sherylin-Fenn-playing-a-space-hooker vehicle, and there's nothing wrong with that. She even does some of her trademark nudity. Bonus!

I didn't invest myself too deeply in the plot of this thing, but it involved a dude named Bone (Jay Buhner reference? Boy, I hope so) and a gal named Helen getting their Bonnie-and-Clyde on after being hired by this mysterious dude (a cigar-chomping Carradine) to do some dirty work for quick cash and a way out of the hellhole they're living in. Of course, shit goes awry real quick, and soon they're on the run from the cops, from former friends they've screwed over, and from the dregs of society who are trying to bring them down because they're on the lam. It's all very dramatic, and the rampant overacting throughout this flick only makes it better.

Ah, 1989. And speaking of 1989 and Sherilyn Fenn, the other movie she made that year was our featured film from just a few short months ago, True Blood. So that's something.

Also something: the trailer for this movie.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Lew Tabackin - Tabackin (1977)

I'm considering getting this album cover tattooed across my back, because it's just that awesome. I mean, seriously. Look at that guy.

Mr. Tabackin also plays flute, and he just runs shit for the duration of the recording. I think he might have been a big-deal jazz guy, but I'm clueless about that stuff. All I know is that he was, at one point, a member of Dick Cavett's house band, and he's super-sweet beard.

What a stallion. Here he is going nuts on that horn of his.





This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Is someone frying bologna? - A sweet question to ask if it smells like someone farted.

Origin - Letterman.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I'm feeling a little bloated."

"Dude, maybe I should evacuate the premises."

"Dude, never mind. I'm feeling better."

"Dude, is someone frying bologna?"


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Lines I Would Say In An Action Movie To A Guy I Just Kicked:

10. "Now that's what I call kicking it into high gear."
09. "I got a kick out of that. Did you? Of course you did. I know because I just kicked you."
08. "I'm a Simple Minds fan. Could you tell by the way I was alive and kicking?"
07. "I beat the shit out of punks like you just for kicks."
06. "Your face has got a real kick to it."
05. "I said I'd stop breaking jaws with my feet, but I just can't seem to kick the habit."
04. "You looked like you needed a kick in the pants. That's why I kicked you there."
03. "Sorry to kick you when you're down. Oh wait, no I'm not. I fight dirty."
02. "Kick off your shoes. We're going to be here a while because I'm not done kicking you yet."
01. "Well that was a real kick in the teeth. Seriously, do you need help finding your bridgework?"

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