Gome of the Week
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Car Cows - I wish I could do cool things.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Liar's Poker (1999)
Flea, getting some top billing in this piece!
That really must have irked Richard "Slick Ponytail Dode from Kindergarten Cop" Tyson, who carries this movie as a stern badass who enjoys finding out that people are banging his wife/girlfriend/mistress so he can kill them.
He also runs some sort of crime outfit, but this flick is such a jumbled mess of flashbacks and jump-cuts that it was often hard for me to really decipher what was going on.
It seems like substance was substituted for style in this thing, though, as usual, I doubt that was the original intention of the movie. This is another one that reeks of someone (other than the director) trying to make it something it wasn't, and ending up making it not much of anything at all.
It's always a problem when you can't even bring yourself to hate someone in a movie. Flea was the only mildly sympathetic character, but instead of exploring his backstory to the point where I might give a shit about him, he's reduced to just errant decisions and lots of crying. It's the role Flea was born to play, baby!
A lot of people on IMDb said this was one of the worst movies they'd ever seen, adding that the title was misleading because there is barely any poker in this movie at all.
Yes. Because that would have made it good.
Here's the trailer. Red-band, even!
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
The Tickle Tune Typhoon - Circle Around (1984)
Straight outta Mt. Vernon, WA, suckas!
If you are a Mr. Show fan, this might seem familiar to you.
I'll just leave it at that.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
diarrhea of the butthole - A sweet variation on "diarrhea of the mouth," with a much more literal meaning.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I super ultimate partied this weekend."
"Dude, that is great news. You feeling the effects?"
"Dude, I'm not the powerhouse I once was. In fact, I have diarrhea of the butthole, if you know what I mean."
"Dude, I do know what you mean."
"Dude, good. Because I've tried to make it as clear at the water that is violently, explosively shooting out of me without warning."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You Will Win the Powerball Jackpot:
10. You're currently pinned under a boxy sedan, so you're clearly due for a stroke of good luck
09. You've spent your entire life making sure you will amount to nothing, and a lotto win would be just the happy ending society has led you to believe you are entitled to
08. You've got a rabbit's foot jammed up your ass
07. You walked under a ladder but canceled it out by assaulting a cop
06. Your wife says there is "no chance," but man, wouldn't it be sweet to make her eat those words and then also maybe pay her to eat some gravel or something?
05. You asked Jesus for it and he was kind of being a coy dick, but he'll come through. Dude's super chill
04. You've already made a long list of people that need to go fuck themselves, and it would be shame to waste it. A damn shame.
03. You bought your ticket from your lucky mini-mart, the place with the alley where you banged that hooker and the rubber broke but you somehow dodged the herp
02. The Secret isn't just some bullshit, bro
01. You have more kids than teeth
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