Gome of the Week
How's your life going?
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Evolution of the New York Driver's License - Ay! I'm drivin' ovah here!
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Murder by Moonlight (1989)
Ouch. This one hurt me. Deeply. I feel like I was on a pretty decent run of fun movies for a while there, but that has come to an end. This movie was celluloid diarrhea. Burny, hot, foamy asspiss enclosed in a videocassette. I feel embarrassed to be a human.
Actually, I've seen way worse. But I did find it pretty boring.
This movie is on the post-nuclear sci-fi tip, but instead of telling the tales of survivors living in garbage cities on earth, this one focuses on the USA/USSR conflict that has heated up on the moon, where both countries have set up shop. After a guy shows up dead, both parties feel compelled to send their own specialists to figure out what happened.
Nielsen plays the American to Julian "VO5 Hot Oil Treatment" Sands' Russian. She's supposed to be the quick, sassy one and he's supposed to be the robotic commie, but he's the one who can actually act, so it's a fairly uncomfortable exchange every time they share a scene, which is basically during the entire movie.
Though they do get the assist from Gerald "Give Me a Major Dad TV-Movie Script to Greenlight" McRaney and Brian "Never Forget My B-Movie Roots" Cox, who are both solid as always. But when the space whodunit revs up and gets underway, the story spirals into some really bullshitty plot twists that don't make sense, but I had long since given up at that point, so I just went with it.
The finale ended up being so nuts that I was kind of glad I stuck around. I was also holding out hope that Brigitte would need to take a dip in a "space hot tub" of some sort, but that did not happen.
Here is the trailer. It's out of this world!
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Heintje - I'm Your Little Boy (1970)
He suuuure is.
I've never really known who Heintje is, but he's one of those artists where if you dig around in enough dirty record bins, you'll start to recognize his weird, foreign face.
Then you buy one of his records, listen to one side of it, get a little creeped out by it, find out that Chixdiggit stole the cover of this record for one of their singles, and think that's really random.
Then you link to the title track and note that this kid's got a good voice. Good enough to haunt your nightmares.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
toilet person - A sweet way to refer to someone who is crappy.
Origin - Meal, Oat
Usage - "Dude, you wanna go celebrate the release of a new taco by purchasing and eating that taco and then maybe getting on social networks and telling people about the taco?"
"Dude, there's no way this isn't going to 'go viral.'"
"Dude, you are a toilet person."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things to Yell While Shirtless:
10. "You think you're better than me? You might be! Wanna discuss it?"
09. "Has anyone seen my shirt? It is orange!"
08. "Just smash the box of wine into my mouth!"
07. "Yeah, 'unfit to be a parent,' that's what they said!"
06. "Hey buddy, you got an extra shirt on ya?"
05. "This speedboat is the fuckin' tits!"
04. "No, YOU'RE under arrest!"
03. "Just clean me with the hose like this is prison!"
02. "Nobody move! I lost a partial!"
01. "Shirt me, dawg!"
Cancel One Career