Gome of the Week
They're the unsung heroes of America, guys who just want to do their part to make the world a better place. And they've gone unrecognized for far too long.

I'm speaking, of course, about dudes in porn who wear the yellow Livestrong bracelets.

I salute you, good sirs! Keep fighting the good fight!






This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Phila. Man Shot Because Family Talked During Movie - Funny, he doesn't look like the kind of guy who would brandish a weapon in a crowded movie theater... Way to do what sane people only joke about doing, dude.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
One Man Out (1989)

I had a hard time making it through this clunker.

"If you're not on his side...change sides." Good one.

The cover makes it look like a cheap Rambo knockoff, and while it sort of is (ex-Vietnam guy in a foreign country, etc.), the exposition in this thing was brutally slow, cutting into precious killing time. The last ten minutes of the movie ended up being pretty sweet, but getting there was a chore. Especially when I realized I had purchased an advance copy and that the "FOR SCREENING PURPOSES ONLY - NOT FOR SALE" wasn't going to go away at any point during the flick.

Stephen McHattie (who we all remember as Elaine's doctor on "Seinfeld") plays Erik, a stone-cold badass mercenary who carries memories of torture (that he inflicted) around with him, and he won't stop annoyingly flashing back about it. Deborah Van Valkenburgh (who we all remember as Mary Conant from Firestarter 2: Rekindled) plays Liliana, the hot reporter that Erik bangs within six hours of meeting her.

They shoot some guns, intercept some cocaine, and exchange tedious dialog. The best part of the movie, like I said, is the end. Erik handcuffs a suitcase bomb to the main drug lord/bad guy and says "You forgot your luggage."

That line made it all worth it.

Fun fact: This movie was directed by Michael Kennedy, the same dude who would eventually direct the movie we featured in week 263 of the Waste, Joe's Wedding. Random.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Elmer and June and Pam Too - Introduce Debbie and Shari (196?)

I guess Shari won't get her name in all caps until she's a little bit older. Hang in there Shar!

If you couldn't have guessed by the slickness of dad's hair and the fear in the eyes of Debbie, this is a religious record, and a phoned-in one at that. They actually open the damn thing with "The Old Time Religion." Not even trying. Songs like "No Other Master" and "Lord, I Have Need of You" are just plain creepy, and really, most of the other ones are, too. These people just can't wait to die and go to heaven.

This obsession reaches an apex on "I Don't Want to Get Adjusted," where Elmer and June wonder why we should bother to even learn the ways of this world when heaven is right around the corner. Not around the corner: any chance of Pam, Debbie, or Shari growing up with even the smallest semblance of normalcy.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
hot plate amigo - A sweet way to describe a standard Mexican restaurant. We've all been to 'em. Good food, nothing fancy, frijoles refritos a-plenty.

Origin - You'll know you're in one when the waiter, clutching your plate of food with a burnt and stained pot holder, says (you guessed it), "Hot plate, amigo!" right before he sets your plate down.

Usage - "Oh, dude. You know how I loves me some Mexican food, right?"

"Dude, you are a fan of the beans, the rice, the whole experience."

"Dude, you are absolutely right about that. I found a trump teez new spot, totally hot plate amigo."

"Dude, let us dine."


This Week's Top Ten List

BTB's Top Ten Movies I Saw in the Theater in 2008:

10. Cloverfield - I'm not sure why so many people were disappointed in this one. I thought it was great chaos.
09. Vicky Christina Barcelona - Woody Allen's always reliable.
08. Baby Mama - Maybe not quite as funny as I had hoped it would be, but it brought the chuckles.
07. Savage Grace - Julianne Moore, you twisted temptress.
06. Burn After Reading - Not the Coen's strongest showing, but still solid all the way.
05. Man on Wire - Best documentary about tight rope walking I've ever seen.
04. The Dark Knight - Little art house flick, if you blinked you missed it. Hopefully you can find it on DVD!
03. The Strangers - The best scary movie I've seen in years.
02. Religulous - I was eagerly awaiting this one, and the payoff was there. Maher is good.
01. Milk - You probably could've predicted this one if you know me at all. But damn, just a great, great film.

Also: Tropic Thunder - not nearly as funny as everyone thinks it is. C'mon, be honest with yourselves...


Cancel One Career