Gome of the Week
My favorite part of this trailer is when the black guy is going to kiss the white girl but then he sees some black girls and he's like "No, uh-uh, I was not going to kiss that white girl! No I dih-ant!"
It's funny because black girls don't like black guys kissing or even hanging around with white girls!
I can totally see why it always takes at least five people to write these movies!
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Awkward Boners - We've all been there.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Conflict of Interest (1993)
I was so taken by Sketch Artist last week that I just had to check out what else the writer of that flick had on his list of credits. Turns out that in between Sketch Artist and Sketch Artist 2, Michael Angeli co-penned this straight-to-HBO gem. I was curious, and the 48 cents it cost me on Amazon sealed the deal. Sorry about the sticker-laden scan, but those things weren't coming off.
Another crime-addled thriller, this flick stars Christopher "Shooter McGavin" McDonald, Alyssa "Samanthuh" Milano, and Judd "Let's go back to the station house and cornhole us a drunk" Nelson. As you can tell, Angeli was the go-to guy when your career was in the shitter. Poor Judd Nelson. He and Andrew McCarthy must have had a contest going to see who could fuck their career up the fastest, post-brat pack.
Anyway, McDonald is the actual star of this film (don't let the cover fool you), and he plays a cop who sees his wife get shot in front of his young son in the first scene in the movie. He then kills the dude who killed his wife. Fast-forward to seven years later, and since he's now got a mustache, you can see how much he has aged. He's living with a new lady, set to join the force again (he was kicked off and had been working on the docks), and his son, who he apparently hasn't seen since, is coming to live with him. Of course, when his son shows up, he's one of them rocker types, speedin' around on his motorcycle and stroking his fat LBST.
His son (played by some choad) hooks up with Milano's character and falls in with the underground rock scene, where Gideon (Nelson) is lord of the guyliner. Long story, but the son ends up getting framed for stripper murder, and when his dad tries to investigate, it becomes...wait for it...a CONFLICT OF INTEREST. The best part of the movie (aside from Shooter pistol-whipping hired goons with an AK-47) is when Milano asks choad rocker if he's into metal, and he says "Only if it's heavy." Keep in mind, this was 1993, folks. Rock on!
Bet you can't guess what's coming up next week...
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Meadowlark Lemon - My Kids (1979)
Famed Globetrotter Meadowlark Lemon put down the bucket of confetti long enough to record a saptastic album in the late-70's. Who knew?
There are some fun numbers here, interspersed with ultra-positve for-the-kids songs. "Po Folk's Disco" is a jumpin' dance track about people too broke to go to an actual club, and features Lemon singing "The fat lady she was sweatin'!" "What Color is Your Heart?" is an anti-racism song that is unintentionally hilarious. And "Earthmen" is a bizarre what-if tale about aliens landing here, complete with sweet laser sounds. But the real message is that we should love the aliens. Seriously.
I've got to give it up to Meadowlark. He's a pretty terrible singer, but he's got enthusiasm. And the studio musicians that play on this thing bring the funk. I'm not sure if all those children on the cover are actually his kids, though.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
pick your window - A sweet thing to say to someone right before you eject them from somewhere. Works really well if you actually throw them out of a window.
Origin - Raven.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I cannot wait to go see Dance Flick! That shit is going to be trump teez!"
"Dude, I am unable to tolerate that sort of idiocy in my home."
"Dude, I still stand by my declaration that White Chicks is hilarious."
"Dude, that does it. Pick your window."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You're A "Loose Cannon" Cop In A Movie:
10. You have a habit of showing your badge to people right before you beat them with it
09. Your wife/girlfriend just doesn't understand, so you smack her around a bit to see if that helps
08. Your tolerance for low-life punks: non-existent
07. Always wearing your gun holster, even in the shower
06. Constantly consumed with theories about why the sarge won't get off your goddamned back
05. You answer all questions about your shaky judgment with "Hey, I'm a cop."
04. You have six ulcers but still subsist on a diet of street vendor hot dogs and nips of scotch from your flask
03. When you're asked to turn in your badge and gun you don't seem the least bit surprised
02. You spend four hours a day calling in favors to your buddy who had the good sense to not get kicked off the force
01. Your blood-soaked partner is dying in your arms as we speak
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