Ah, the wit. The candor. It's all here. Check out the definitive list of every Top Ten list we've come up with since the inception of this grand website. Click a title to read the funny, and hit your back button to return to this list and read some more. For the newer ones, you'll have to scroll down the page to find 'em once you jump outta here. Most are attempting to be funny, some are not, and some never even got finished (search hard and you'll see what I mean). Prepare yourself for the amazement.

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01. Brad’s Top Ten Phrases You Might Find On Items in a Grocery Store That Would Also Make Good Gay Pornography Titles
02. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Charles Bukowski Books
03. The Top Ten Songs Matthew Fargo Likes to Play in the Background During Sexual Intercourse
04. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Words That Start With the Letters “Chu”
05. The Top Ten Beatles Songs That Would Make Good Porno Titles
06. The Top Ten Words That Almost Rhyme With “Designer”
07. The Top Ten Things Overheard at the Last CAC Show
08. The Top Ten Words Used to Describe the Top Ten Lists That People Claim They Are Going To Send Me
09. The Top Ten Ill-Advised Musical Guest Appearances, Part One
10. Oatmeal’s Top Ten Reasons Why Sleeping Is Better Than Sex
11. The Top Ten Things on Johnny Wockenfuss’s Christmas List
12. Eric B’s Top Ten Hip Hop/Rock Records of 2001
13. Brad’s Top Ten Records of the Year
14. Sly Records Top Ten New Years Resolutions
15. Johnny Wockenfuss’s Top Ten Phrases He Will Have to Get Used to Now That He’s Single Again
16. The Top Ten Rap Song Titles We Could Do Without
17. The Top Ten Rejected Johnny Wockenfuss Aliases
18. Biff Pocaroba’s Top Ten Favorite Wonder Years Characters
19. Biff Pocaroba’s Top Ten Words That He Hates
20. The Top Ten Things People Have Typed Into Google This Week That Brought Them to Our Site
21. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Mr. Show Sketches
22. Brad’s Top Ten Songs That He Hopes to Never Hear Again, Because Working At A Karaoke Bar Has Ruined Any Novelty That They May Have Once Had
23. Matt Fargo’s Top Ten Things On TV In Japan
24. ONUG’s Top Ten Things Wrong With the Rock ‘N’ Roll Industry
25. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Lines From The Cable Guy
26. The Top Ten Reasons Why the CAC Will Never Get A Write Up in the Portland Mercury
27. The Top Ten Things People Typed Into Google This Week That Took Them To Our Site
28. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Lines from Touch Me, a Collection of Poems by Suzanne Somers
29. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Songs At This Very Minute, Some of Which He Will Probably Hate by Next Week
30. The Top Ten Put-Downs In Greg Araki’s Cinematic Masterpiece Nowhere
31. Eric B’s Top Ten Favorite Band Names
32. (Once Again) The Top Ten Things People Typed Into Google This Week That Made Them End Up Coming to Our Site
33. The Top Ten Best Brigitte Nielsen Movies Ever
34. The Top Ten Working Titles for the Next CAC Record
35. Brad’s Top Ten Reasons Why There Hasn’t Been An Installment of “Disturbing Memories” In Almost 6 Months
36. CAC’s Top Ten Plans for Their Summer Vacation
37. The Top Ten Sweetest Words That Start With “Q”
38. Oh My God, Again With the Top Ten Things That People Typed Into Search Engines This Week That Got Them to Our Site
39. Brad’s Top Ten Favorite Things Right Now, At 2 AM on Sunday Night
40. The Top Ten Reasons Why Shotgunning Beers Is Better Than Doing Stuff
41. Brad’s Top Ten Songs Right Now, Some of Which Are Pretty Bad
42. The Top Ten Lines of Poetry From Henry Rollins’ Book Now Watch Him Die That Contain the Phrase “Fucked Up”
43. The Top Ten Reasons That “Fat Cats, Bigga Fish” by The Coup Is Quite Possibly the Greatest Rap Song of All Time
44. The Top Ten Reasons Why I Should Go Back to Chopsticks Right Now, Even Though I Probably Won’t Be Able To Drive Home
45. The Top Ten Things Biff Pocaroba Did on His Recent Trip to Edmonds and Seattle, Washington
46. The Top Ten Things That Are/Aren’t Funny To Do While Singing Karaoke
47. Matt Fargo Presents: The Top Ten Things I Like About Japan
48. Matt Fargo Presents: The Top Ten Things I Miss About America
49. Biff Pocaroba’s Top Ten Movies That Should Never Be Watched On A First Date
50. Biff’s Top Ten Reasons CAC Have Not Done A Damn Thing All Summer
51. Brad’s Top Ten Reasons for Not Updating the Site On Time
52. Brad’s Top Ten Things To Do Now That the Weather’s Getting Colder
53. Biff and Johnny’s Top Ten Rock Albums of All Time (This Week) That Doesn’t Include The Beatles Because That Wouldn’t Be Fair
54. The Top Ten Working Titles for the “Docu-Drama” Being Filmed on Hawthorne Street, 3 Blocks Away From Our House
55. Brad’s Top Ten Activities That Have No Redeeming Value Whatsoever
56. Brad’s Top Ten Rejected Halloween Costume Ideas
57. Brad’s Top Ten Things Overheard In Our House While We Were Voting
58. Brad’s Top Ten Reasons for Not Updating the Site Last Week
59. Brad & Derek’s Top Ten Worst Food/Beverage Combinations
60. Brad’s Top Ten Things I Don’t Want for Christmas
61. Eric’s Top Ten Hip Hop Records of 2002
62. Eric’s Top Ten Rock Records of 2002
63. Brad’s Top Ten records of 2002
64. Brad’s Top Ten Things He Did Yesterday
65. The Top Ten Movies That Have the Word “Movie” In the Title
66. The Top Ten 80’s Songs That Would Make Good Porno Titles
67. The Top Ten Things I Don’t Want for Valentine’s Day
68. The Top Ten Things We’ll Miss About Mr. Perfect
69. Biff’s Top Ten Reasons That He Can Think of To Explain Why Wockenfuss Hasn’t Updated the Website In Nearly Two Weeks
70. The Top Ten Best Words Posted by the “Icy Hot Stunna” On the Sly Records Message Board
71. The Top Ten Best Things Typed Into Search Engines To Get To Our Site This Week
72. The Top Ten Reasons This Week’s Top Ten List Will Suck
73. The Top Ten Adjectives That Are Too Dirty To Make It to Our Slang List
74. The Top Ten Reasons I Watch “American Idol” While I Update This Site
75. The Top Ten Worst Things On TV Right Now
76. The Top Ten Things I Did on 4/20
77. The Top Ten Things That People Claim To Like That Actually Suck
78. The Top Ten Things I Love About My Cat Lunchbox (Amy)
79. The Top Ten Things That Will Make You Hate A Person
80. The Top Ten Best Unintelligible Lines from “19 Naughty III,” One of the Greatest Rap Songs Ever, Performed By Naughty By Nature
81. Biff’s Top Ten Saturday Night Live Recurring Characters and/or Sketches That Were Never Funny
82. The Top Ten Ways to Stay Cool During the Hot Summer Months
83. Biff’s Top Ten Signs That Wockenfuss Is Losing It
84. The Top Ten Worst Drinks Ever
85. Biff’s Top Ten Lines From Ghostface Killah’s Song “Cobra Clutch” That Don’t Really Make Any Sense At All
86. The Top Ten Reasons To Read US Weekly
87. The Top Ten TV Shows That Don’t Exist But Should
88. The Top Ten Things I Learned From TV This Week
89. The Top Ten Best New CAC Songs
90. The Top Ten Best Things to Say to Your Grandma On the Phone
91. The Top Ten Things to Blame on White People
92. The Top Ten Things I’m Putting Off Right Now
93. The Top Ten Things to Watch or Read That Are Porn But Not Really Porn
94. The Top Ten Things You Should Do If You’re Ever On “Elimidate”
95. The Top Ten New Weight Loss Fads
96. The Top Ten Best Reasons to Pull Your Shirt Up for Girls Gone Wild
97. The Top Ten Rejected Jolly Rancher Flavors
98. The Top Ten Things to Say to Your Roommate Right Before Leaving To Go On A First Date
99. The Top Ten Hair Removal Products
100. The Top Ten Best Things About slyrecords.com Turning 100 Weeks Old
101. The Top Ten Best Things to Mix With Absolut Peppar
102. The Top Ten Famous Last Words At A Party
103. The Top Ten Worst Halloween Treats
104. The Top Ten Ways To Be Killed By A Bear
105. The Top Ten Things To Do When You’re Bored
106. The Top Ten Conspiracy Theories
107. The Top Ten Slang Terms for Beer
108. The Top Ten Rejected College Elective Courses
109. The Top Ten Coolest Wrestlers of All Time
110. The Top Ten Rejected Names for Santa Claus
111. Biff & Brad’s Top Ten CD’s of 2003
112. The Top Ten Best Episodes of Sex and the City
113. The Top Ten Ways to Impress A Girl
114. The Top Ten New Low Carb Items At Fast Food Restaurants
115. The Top Ten Words That Almost Rhyme With Slappy
116. The Top Ten Rejected Titles for American Idol
117. Biff’s Top Ten Wrestling Moves That Sound Like Mixed Drinks
118. The Top Ten Movies That Do Not Exist
119. The Top Ten Signs Your Cab Driver Is Nuts
120. The Top Ten Signs Your Hotel Is Crappy
121. The Top Ten Rejected Hair Dye Color Names
122. The Top Ten Best St. Patrick’s Day Drinks
123. The Top Ten Best New Hairstyles
124. The Top Ten Best Affirmative Baseball Chants
125. The Top Ten Numbers That Don’t Exist
126. The Top Ten Rejected Cat Names
127. The Top Ten Rejected Dog Names
128. The Top Ten New TV Shows
129. The Top Ten Words That Sound Like An STD
130. The Top Ten Posters On My Wall
131. The Top Ten Vin Diesel Movies That Don’t Exist
132. The Top Ten Worst Brands of Bottled Water
133. The Top Ten Things the CAC Do To Sabotage Their Own Careers
134. The Top Ten Lamest Ways To Say Goodbye
135. The Top Ten Things That Biff Pocaroba Will Tell You At 4:30 In the Morning After Drinking 14 Miller High Lifes
136. The Top Ten Best Songs About Lunch
137. The Top Ten Signs Your Band Sucks
138. The Top Ten Worst Ways To Start A Conversation
139. The Top Ten Wonderful Things About Biff Graduating From College
140. The Top Ten Nicknames For My Neighborhood Hobo Cat, Slappy McGillicuddy
141. The Top Ten Things I’ve Accomplished Now That Summer’s Halfway Over
142. The Top Ten Things I Can See From My Window Right Now
143. The Top Ten Signs It’s Too Hot Outside
144. The Top Ten Toppings for Cottage Cheese
145. The Top Ten Things I Do In My New Basement
146. The Top Ten Rejected Jell-O Flavors
147. The Top Ten Words That Almost Rhyme With “Audacious”
148. The Top Ten Rejected Books On Tape
149. The Top Ten Signs You Love Your TV
150. The Top Ten Rejected Cigarette Brands
151. The Top Ten Best Words to Describe the Presidential Debates
152. The Top Ten Best Words That End With “Sexual” That Are Better Than “Metrosexual”
153. The Top Ten Rejected Halloween Treats
154. The Top Ten Words That Rhyme With “Jelly”
155. The Top Ten New Fun Parks
156. The Top Ten Slang Terms for Male Genitalia That Don’t Make Sense
157. The Top Ten Signs Thanksgiving Is Over
158. The Top Ten Words That Sound Like Christmas
159. The Top Ten Reasons It Takes So Long To Update This Site
160. The Top Ten New Sitcom Characters That Are Sure To Be Favorites
161. The Top Ten Words To Describe My Lyrical Flow
162. Biff’s Top Ten Movies That He Watched (But Weren’t Necessarily Released) In 2004
163. Biff’s Top Ten Records of 2004
164. Oatmeal’s Top Ten Films That Probably Came Out Last Year
165. Brad’s Top Ten Records of 2004
166. Brad’s Top Ten Exercises To Do At The Gym
167. The Top Ten Video Games That Don’t Exist
168. The Top Ten Reasons I Don’t Like You
169. The Top Ten Best Ways To Get High At Home
170. The Top Ten Ways I Celebrated President’s Day
171. The Top Ten Words I Should Use More
172. The Top Ten Names for The New Pope
173. The Top Ten Italian Stereotypes That Just Aren’t True
174. The Top Ten Gerbil Names
175. The Top Ten Things I Would Say To Judy Greer If I Met Her
176. The Top Ten Labels In My Personal Video Collection
177. The Top Ten Things I Say In My Sleep
178. The Top Ten Reasons I Haven’t Updated The Site In Like, A Year and A Half
179. The Top Ten Names I Would Consider, If I Were To Change My Name
180. The Top Ten New Horror Movie Titles
181. The Top Ten New Sexual Positions
182. The Top Ten Least Favorite Pizza Toppings
183. The Top Ten Things You Like and I Don’t
184. The Top Ten Signs That You Suck
185. The Top Ten Best Ways To Get Arrested
186. The Top Ten Parenthetical Titles of Fictional Rap Songs
187. The Top Ten Spin-offs of Dateline: To Catch A Predator
188. The Top Ten Ways To Start A Conversation About the Birds And The Bees With Your Son
189. The Top Ten Reasons The Internet Sucks
190. The Top Ten Cartoon Characters I Would Have Sex With and In What Way
191. The Top Ten Themes Explored On the New Linkin Park Album
192. The Top Ten Spider-Man Villains That Don’t Exist
193. The Top Ten Best Things To Say To Your Partner In Crime Right Before You Rob A Bank
194. The Top Ten Ways To Improve Your Workout
195. The Top Ten Things I Will Miss About Cassettes
196. The Top Ten Internet Videos That Are Sweeping The Nation
197. The Top Ten Songs A Teenage Virgin Fears Will Come On The Radio As He Is About to Lose His Virginity
198. The Top Ten Titles for A Biff Poracoba Solo Album That Will Never Happen
199. The Top Ten Ways I’ll Be Celebrating Independence Day
200. The Top Ten Entries That Were Left Out of Some of the Previous 199 Top Ten Lists
201. The Top Ten Things I Miss About the 80’s
202. The Top Ten Ways to Increase Your Productivity
203. The Top Ten Ways You Can Tell That I Hate You
204. The Top Ten Phrases Used to Describe a Street Fight
205. The Top Ten Best Things About My Move This Past Weekend
206. The Top Reasons I’m Better Than You
207. The Top Ten Things I Yell At the TV
208. The Top Ten Things I Did On Labor Day
209. The Top Ten Things Biff and I Did This Past Weekend
210. The Top Ten Signs Things Aren’t Going Your Way
211. The Top Ten Shows In The New Fall Lineup
212. The Top Ten Things Not To Say During A Job Interview
213. The Top Ten Things That Qualify for “Two Other Forms of ID”
214. The Top Ten Comments On the WWF Promo Videos I Posted On YouTube
215. The Top Ten Things That Music Once Had and is Now Missing
216. Biff’s Top Ten Things I Heard While Substitute Teaching In Elementary School Last Week
217. The Top Ten Ways The Hollywood Writer’s Strike Will Affect Me
218. The Top Ten Worst Bumper Stickers
219. The Top Ten Things I Plan to Eat On Thanksgiving
220. The Top Ten Ways To Reduce Stress During The Holiday Season
221. The Top Ten Things Holding Me Back From Realizing My Dreams
222. The Top Ten Things I Am Hoping To Get For Christmas This Year
223. The Top Ten Things You Can Do To Make This The Best Christmas Ever
224. The Top Ten Surprising Things About My Christmas
225. My Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions
226. BTB’s Top Ten Movies He Saw In The Theater In 2007, BTB’s Top Ten Albums of 2007, The Top Ten Things I Rented In 2007 That, As A Cool Guy, I Thought I Would Hate But Actually Loved, The Top Ten Things I Rented In 2007 That, As A Cool Guy, I Thought I Would Hate And Actually Did, The Top Ten Albums, Not Necessarily Released In 2007, That I Was Into In 2007
227. The Top Ten Ways To Make Sports Fun Again
228. The Top Ten Ways To Win An Argument (Or Hurt The Person Arguing With You)
229. The Top Ten Ways To Get Your Neighbors To Stop Talking To You
230. The Top Ten Rejected Hair Dye Colors
231. The Top Ten Great Things About The Football Season Being Over
232. The Top Ten Things, Just So We’re Clear, That I Have Deemed “Whitey”
233. The Top Ten Signs You Spend Too Much Time On The Internet
234. The Top Ten Signs You Won’t Be Voting In The Upcoming Elections
235. The Top Ten People I Hate At The Gym
236. The Top Ten Best Bums